Clinic Text Message: Collocation, Wordiness, and Register
A community clinic sends a 60-word text reminder to patients. Most patients read it on a phone; some are older adults, and many read English as a second language. The draft reads: "Patients are required to comply to the new check-in policy, and due to the fact that the lobby is being renovated, please utilize the side entrance. In regards to questions, call the front desk." The clinic's style guide asks for plain language, a respectful but direct tone, and a maximum of 60 words. The coordinator must keep three facts - the new check-in policy, the side entrance, and the phone number - but may cut anything else.
1. Fix "comply to" and choose between "regarding" and "in regards to." What kind of error is each?
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"Comply to" → "comply with." This is a collocation error, not a meaning error: comply is followed by with in fixed usage, as in comply with the policy, comply with the deadline. A reader will understand it, but it marks the writer as uncertain, and on a test the preposition is what is being checked. Related fixed pairs worth knowing: adhere to, conform to, comply with.
"In regards to" → "regarding" or "as for." In regards to is a blend of in regard to and as regards; the standard forms are regarding, about, or in regard to (no s). Since the style guide asks for plain language, regarding is the shortest acceptable option, and about or with questions is plainer still.
Both errors are idiomatic rather than logical: the sentence's meaning survives, but the fixed phrase does not.
2. Replace "utilize" and "due to the fact that." Rewrite the whole message at 60 words or fewer.
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"Utilize" → "use." They mean the same thing; utilize is longer and implies making practical use of something that was not designed for the purpose. A side entrance is simply used.
"Due to the fact that" → "because." Five words become one, and the sentence loses a nominalized phrase that slows down reading.
Revised (41 words): "We have a new check-in policy. Because the lobby is being renovated, please use the side entrance. If you have questions, call the front desk at 555-0142."
Three short sentences, active voice, no word over three syllables, and the important instruction (use the side entrance) is no longer buried in a subordinate clause. Under the 60-word limit with room to spare.
3. Is "Patients are required to…" the right tone here? Compare it with the alternatives and recommend one.
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Patients are required to is grammatically fine but reads as bureaucratic and slightly threatening: it frames a routine instruction as a rule imposed on the reader, and passive are required hides who is doing the requiring.
Alternatives, from most to least formal:
- "Patients must…" - shorter, still imperative, still a bit cold.
- "Please…" - direct and polite; standard for instructions the reader is expected to follow anyway.
- "We ask that patients…" - softer but wordier than a text message can afford.
Recommendation: Please plus a concrete verb - "Please check in at the front desk using the new form" - or a plain statement of fact, "Check-in now takes place at the front desk." Both keep the instruction clear for readers with limited English and avoid implying that the patient has done something wrong. Register and grammar are separate judgements: the original is grammatical but wrong for the audience.