Ordering the Food Pantry Paragraph
A food pantry's volunteer writes a four-sentence paragraph for the newsletter, but submits the sentences in the wrong order:
A. "As a result, the pantry will add a Saturday shift from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. starting in May." B. "Many working families in the neighborhood cannot visit on weekdays." C. "Volunteers are needed to staff the new shift, and they should sign up at the front desk by April 20." D. "However, the pantry currently opens only on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons."
A second draft sentence reads: "The coordinator told the volunteers that the families needed weekend hours, and they were worried about staffing." The editor has room for one paragraph of four sentences and wants the reason for the new hours to come before the sign-up request.
1. Give the correct order of A–D and justify each move by the linking word it depends on.
Read the worked answer
Order: D, B, A, C.
- D first sets the current situation (limited weekday hours).
Howevercannot open a paragraph here because there is nothing yet to contrast with - that is the tell that it is misplaced. - B supplies the problem: weekday-only hours conflict with working families' schedules. It must follow D, which it contrasts with.
- A follows with
As a result, which needs both a cause (B) and a baseline (D) already in place. Placing A before B would makeAs a resultpoint at nothing. - C closes with the consequence for readers: who is needed and the April 20 deadline. The editor's requirement that the reason precede the request is satisfied.
Test: read the four in order and check each transition against the sentence before it. D has no transition and needs none; B follows logically; A's As a result has a cause; C's and links two facts about the same group.
2. Fix the pronoun problem in: "The coordinator told the volunteers that the families needed weekend hours, and they were worried about staffing." Give two revisions with different strategies.
Read the worked answer
They has two possible antecedents - the volunteers and the families - and both are plural, so number gives no clue. The reader cannot tell who is worried about staffing, and the sentence's point (that staffing is the obstacle) depends on it.
Revision 1 - repeat the noun (safest): "The coordinator told the volunteers that the families needed weekend hours, and the volunteers were worried about staffing."
Revision 2 - split the sentence and promote the real subject: "The coordinator told the volunteers that the families needed weekend hours. The volunteers, though, were worried about staffing."
Revision 3 - recast so only one plural noun remains: "The coordinator told the volunteers that the families needed weekend hours but that staffing was a concern."
Rule: with two same-number candidates, a pronoun is a coin flip. Either repeat the noun or restructure so the ambiguity cannot arise; do not rely on the reader's guess.
3. If the writer moved B after A, which transition in A would become misleading, and why?
Read the worked answer
As a result would become misleading. It is a cause-and-effect connector: it claims that the sentence before it caused the sentence it introduces. In the correct order, B (families cannot come on weekdays) plus D (weekday-only hours) cause A (add Saturday hours) - the logic holds.
If B came after A, As a result would be pointing at D alone, implying that the pantry's current Tuesday/Thursday schedule caused the new Saturday shift. That is backwards: the current schedule is the problem, not the cause. The reader would have to reconstruct the reasoning.
This is the general test for any causal connector - as a result, therefore, consequently, thus: the sentence before it must be the cause, not merely a related fact. If it is not, either move the sentence or change the connector to a neutral one such as In addition.