Register and Structure in a Formal Letter
The Writing section asks for a formal letter of complaint of 120-150 words to a bus company about a delayed inter-provincial service. Candidate Esperança's draft opens: "Hey there, I'm writing because your bus was super late and it totally ruined my day. You guys really need to sort this out!!" She then gives three clear factual points (departure time, delay length, missed connection) and closes: "Cheers, Esperança." The content points are all present. The rubric allots marks for content, organisation, and language/register.
1. Identify the register problems in the opening and closing, and explain why they cost marks even though the content is complete.
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Problems:
- "Hey there" and "Cheers" are informal greetings/closings; a formal complaint requires Dear Sir or Madam / Dear Customer Services and Yours faithfully (or Yours sincerely if a name is known).
- "super late", "totally ruined", "You guys", and the double exclamation mark are conversational intensifiers and slang inappropriate to a formal letter.
- "I'm writing because" is acceptable, but the contracted form and the vague "sort this out" weaken the formal tone; "I am writing to complain about" and "resolve this matter" are the register-appropriate equivalents. Why it costs marks: the rubric scores register as a separate criterion. Complete content cannot compensate for a wrong register, because the task specifies the genre. Esperança has written a correct message in the wrong genre - the facts are right, the frame is wrong.
2. Rewrite the opening and closing in appropriate register, keeping Esperança's meaning intact, and state one organisational improvement.
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Opening rewrite: "Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to complain about the delay to the Luanda–Benguela service on 14 March, which departed two hours late and caused me to miss a connecting journey." Closing rewrite: "I would be grateful for an explanation and for information about compensation. I look forward to your reply. Yours faithfully, Esperança [surname]" What changed: formal salutation and valediction; no contractions; no slang or intensifiers; the complaint is stated as a fact with date and route so it is actionable; a clear request replaces the vague demand. Organisational improvement: use one paragraph per function - (1) purpose and facts, (2) consequences, (3) requested remedy - with a linking phrase such as Furthermore or In addition. This makes the three content points visible to the marker rather than buried in a single block.