Register and formula in a formal application
A writing task asks students to write an email to the organiser of a German town's volunteer environmental group, applying for a two-week placement. The prompt specifies: formal register, state your motivation, mention your German level, ask two questions about accommodation and working hours, and close appropriately. A student, Tom, drafts an opening 'Hallo Team!' and a closing 'Bis dann, Tom', uses 'du' throughout, and asks only one question. His motivation paragraph is strong and specific. The marking criteria reward register, task fulfilment, and range of language.
1. Diagnose Tom's draft against the task requirements and rank the problems by impact on his mark.
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Tom meets content motivation but fails register and task fulfilment. Ranked by impact: (1) Register - 'Hallo Team', 'du', and 'Bis dann' are informal and clash with the specified formal register; this affects the whole text, so it is the biggest deduction. (2) Task fulfilment - only one of two required questions is asked, so a specified element is missing. (3) Formulaic accuracy - a formal email needs 'Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren' or a named contact, 'Sie' forms, and 'Mit freundlichen Grüßen'. His strong motivation paragraph is an asset but cannot compensate for a register error running through the text. The judgement is that register is a global feature, so it outweighs a local omission.
2. Rewrite the opening and closing, and state the two questions Tom should add.
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Opening: 'Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren, ich schreibe Ihnen, weil ich mich für einen zweiwöchigen Einsatz in Ihrer Umweltgruppe interessiere.' Closing: 'Ich würde mich über eine Antwort freuen. Mit freundlichen Grüßen, Tom Weber.' The two questions, in formal register: 'Könnten Sie mir bitte mitteilen, ob eine Unterkunft gestellt wird?' and 'Wie viele Stunden pro Tag würde ich voraussichtlich arbeiten?' The reasoning: the opening names the purpose, the closing uses the standard formal formula, and both questions use modal verbs and polite subjunctive or inversion ('Könnten Sie', 'würde') consistent with 'Sie'. This repairs register and task fulfilment together rather than patching one and leaving the other.