Which Paragraph Belongs in the Newsletter
A Year 11 student writes a 250-word article for the school newsletter about a new bike rack. She has three candidate opening paragraphs. A: 'Bikes. We all have them. Or most of us. Anyway, the school got a new rack.' B: 'Last Monday, 60 students arrived to find nowhere to lock their bikes. By Friday, a new 40-space rack stood outside the gym.' C: 'The installation of bicycle storage infrastructure represents a significant enhancement to campus amenity provision.' The editor's rules: open with a concrete detail, keep sentences under 25 words, use plain language for a parent audience, and never start with a one-word fragment.
1. Choose the best opening and explain why the other two fail against the editor's rules.
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Best: B. It opens with a concrete detail (60 students, last Monday), uses short plain sentences, and sets up a problem-and-fix that makes a parent want to read on.
A fails because it starts with the one-word fragment 'Bikes', which the rules ban, and the filler ('Or most of us. Anyway') wastes the opening on nothing specific.
C fails on plain language. 'Infrastructure', 'enhancement', 'amenity provision' are jargon a parent audience will not enjoy. It also has no concrete detail - no number, no day, no place.
B satisfies all four rules at once: concrete, short, plain, and no fragment.
2. The student wants to add a sentence naming the exact cost and who paid. Write one sentence that fits the style rules and explain one risk of including it.
Read the worked answer
Sentence: 'The rack cost $4,200, paid for by the Parents and Citizens fund after a term of fundraising.'
It is under 25 words, plain, and concrete - it names the figure and the source.
Risk: money can be sensitive. Some parents may feel the fund should have gone elsewhere, so naming the payer invites debate the article may not be ready to answer. A safer version might say 'funded by the P&C' without the figure, or the editor may check with the P&C before printing.
Rule check: the sentence still opens with a concrete fact, stays short, and uses everyday words, so it fits the brief.