Choosing the right register for a host-family request
You are an exchange student in Nantes staying with the Lefèvre family. On Thursday evening your friend Camille, who is French and lives across town, invites you to her birthday dinner on Saturday night, ending around midnight. The last tram back to your host family's suburb leaves at 23:15, and the next one is at 06:00. You know the Lefèvres reasonably well after four months, but they are somewhat formal: Madame Lefèvre uses vous with you, and the family rule posted in the kitchen says guests must tell the household before staying out past 22:30. You need to ask whether you may stay at Camille's until Sunday morning and sleep there. You will speak to Madame Lefèvre in person in the kitchen after dinner, when her husband is also present.
1. Which register (tu/vous, and which formula of request) should you use with Madame Lefèvre, and why? Draft the opening two sentences you would say.
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Use vous throughout, even though you have lived there four months. Three signals point the same way: Madame Lefèvre addresses you with vous, she is the household authority enforcing the 22:30 rule, and her husband is present, which raises the formality of the exchange. Switching to tu unilaterally would be a status claim you have not been invited to make.
For the request, avoid the blunt je veux and the over-soft ça serait possible ?, which sounds casual. A conditional plus a formula of politeness fits: Je me permets de vous demander quelque chose. Serait-il possible que je reste dormir chez Camille samedi soir ? The conditional serait-il possible marks the request as a favour, not an expectation.
2. The rule in the kitchen concerns staying out past 22:30, but your plan involves not returning at all. How should you frame the request so it addresses the rule rather than appearing to dodge it?
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Name the rule explicitly and show you have read it as covering your case, rather than staying silent and hoping it is not noticed. For example: Je sais que la règle de la maison demande de prévenir avant 22h30 ; comme je ne rentrerai pas du tout, je préfère vous en parler maintenant.
Then supply the information an authority figure needs to say yes: the address, Camille's parents' awareness, and a way to be reached. Les parents de Camille sont d'accord, et je vous donnerai leur numéro. Je peux vous envoyer un message en arrivant. This converts a vague permission request into a supervised arrangement, which is what the rule is actually protecting.
3. Madame Lefèvre replies: « Écoute, ce n'est pas que je ne te fais pas confiance, mais je préfère que tu rentres. » How do you interpret this and respond without damaging the relationship?
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The sentence is a refusal wrapped in a face-saving formula. Ce n'est pas que je ne te fais pas confiance pre-empts the accusation of distrust, but je préfère que tu rentres is the operative clause, and je préfère que + subjunctive is a softened instruction, not an invitation to negotiate. Treat it as a no.
Respond by accepting and offering a workable alternative rather than re-arguing: Je comprends très bien. Est-ce que je pourrais alors partir un peu avant la fin, pour prendre le tram de 23h15 ? This shows you heard the decision, preserves politeness, and solves the practical problem. Pressing the original request would read as ignoring the household's authority.