The Exchange Partner Who Keeps Cancelling
You are on a six-month exchange in Leipzig. Your partner, Jonas, has cancelled your Saturday meeting three times in a row, each time with a short message the evening before ("Sorry, was dringend dazwischengekommen, melde mich"). You need his help this week because he agreed to proofread your Bewerbung for a Praktikum, due Friday. On Thursday you see on a group chat that he spent Saturday at a football tournament. You feel annoyed but do not want to damage the friendship, and you still need the proofreading done. You decide to write him a message that is direct about the problem but leaves him a face-saving way to respond, and that makes a concrete new arrangement rather than a vague request.
1. Write the opening two sentences of your message to Jonas in German and justify each choice with reference to register, directness and face-saving.
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A workable opening:
Hallo Jonas, ich muss ehrlich sagen, dass ich gerade etwas frustriert bin – die letzten drei Samstage sind leider ausgefallen, und ich hatte fest mit dir gerechnet. Ich weiß, dass bei dir viel los ist, aber mir ist das gerade wichtig, deshalb frage ich direkt.
Justification points:
- Hallo Jonas keeps the informal du register appropriate for a peer; switching to Sie would signal a rupture, not a repair.
- The complaint is framed with ich-statements (ich bin frustriert, ich hatte fest mit dir gerechnet) rather than accusations (du hast mich versetzt). This states the problem without assigning blame, which protects the relationship.
- leider and ich weiß, dass bei dir viel los ist concede his position and give him a face-saving exit - he can explain without losing standing.
- deshalb frage ich direkt announces the shift to a concrete request, so the message does not read as passive-aggressive hinting.
- Naming the specific facts (three Saturdays) keeps it factual rather than a general character judgement.
2. Write the request sentence that proposes a new arrangement, and explain why a vague request would fail here.
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A workable request:
Könntest du bis Donnerstagabend über meine Bewerbung schauen? Wenn dir das zu knapp ist, sag mir bitte bis morgen Bescheid, dann suche ich eine andere Lösung – oder wir machen es zusammen am Mittwoch um 18 Uhr per Video.
Why this works:
- It names a deadline (Donnerstagabend) that leaves you a buffer before Friday, so the plan is realistic.
- It offers a choice of routes (he reviews alone, or you do it together by video), which raises the chance of a yes and shares the burden.
- It builds in an exit: sag mir bitte bis morgen Bescheid means silence is not ambiguous. A vague request (Können wir vielleicht mal reden?) lets him defer again without either of you naming the problem.
- The modal Könntest du softens the imposition, while the concrete time and channel make it actionable.
- The fallback (dann suche ich eine andere Lösung) is stated calmly, not as a threat, so it protects you without escalating.
3. Jonas replies: "Ja klar, sorry, war echt stressig. Schick einfach rüber." Assess whether this reply resolves your problem and state what you would do next.
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Assessment: The reply is warm but repeats the pattern. Schick einfach rüber gives no commitment to a time, and war echt stressig recycles the same excuse that preceded three cancellations. It resolves the tone problem (he is not hostile) but not the reliability problem.
Next step: Accept the goodwill but convert it into a binding arrangement. For example: Danke, das hilft mir sehr. Ich schicke es dir heute Abend – kannst du mir bis Donnerstag 20 Uhr kurz schreiben, ob du es geschafft hast? Falls nicht, plane ich den Video-Termin am Mittwoch ein. This:
- thanks him, so the repair is acknowledged;
- fixes a check-in time, so silence becomes information;
- keeps the fallback alive without re-litigating the past.
Judgement tested: distinguishing a friendly reply from a reliable commitment, and repairing a relationship while still protecting your own deadline.