Register and Modality in a Formal Complaint
A student writes to a university hall provost about a broken water supply. Draft sentence: 'You people must fix the water immediately or we will be forced to go to the Vice-Chancellor, and honestly it is totally unacceptable that we have been suffering like this for three days.' The student wants the letter to be firm but not hostile, and to preserve a record of the problem. The provost is senior to the student, and the student hopes for a quick repair rather than a confrontation.
1. Identify the features of the draft that work against the student's stated aim, quoting the relevant words.
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Three features undercut the aim of being firm but not hostile:
- 'You people' - a distancing, faintly contemptuous address that frames the provost as an adversary rather than an official responsible for the hall.
- 'must fix ... or we will be forced' - an ultimatum. It converts a request into a threat and invites a defensive reply; escalation to the Vice-Chancellor is more effective as an implied possibility than as a stated condition.
- 'honestly it is totally unacceptable ... suffering like this' - emotive intensifiers ('totally', 'honestly', 'suffering') with no factual anchor. They signal frustration but give the provost nothing to act on, and 'unacceptable' is a judgement of the provost rather than of the situation.
The letter also lacks the concrete record the student says they want: dates, duration, and effect.
2. Rewrite the sentence in a formal register that is firm, non-hostile, and preserves the record, and justify each change.
Read the worked answer
Rewrite: 'I am writing to report that the water supply to our hall has been interrupted for the past three days, from [date] to [date]. This has affected [number] residents and has made basic hygiene difficult. I would be grateful if the matter could be investigated and the supply restored as soon as possible; if it would help, I am happy to provide further details from residents.'
Justifications:
- 'You people' → 'I' as the writer: removes the adversarial framing.
- Ultimatum → 'I would be grateful if ... could be investigated': a request in the conditional, which is polite but still places a clear expectation on the recipient.
- 'totally unacceptable / suffering' → dated, quantified facts: this is what creates a usable record and what an administrator can act on.
- Offer of further details: keeps the door open and signals cooperation rather than confrontation.
Judgement: firmness comes from the specificity of the facts and the clarity of the request, not from the strength of the adjectives.