Editing for Concision Under a Deadline
A student is editing a 300-word news brief for the school paper. The editor requires 220 words maximum and has flagged three passages. Passage 1: 'Due to the fact that the gymnasium was under renovation, the assembly was relocated to the cafeteria, which was, in the opinion of many students, quite cramped.' Passage 2: 'The committee made a decision to postpone the vote until such time as further information could be gathered.' Passage 3: 'Students who are interested in participating in the program should submit an application in order to be considered.' The student worries that cutting words will make the writing 'sound less professional' and wants to keep the formal phrasing. The brief currently runs 300 words; the three passages total about 70 words.
1. Revise the three passages for concision, and explain the principle behind each cut.
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Possible revisions: (1) 'Because the gym was being renovated, the assembly moved to the cafeteria, which many students found cramped.' Cut 'due to the fact that' → 'because,' and 'in the opinion of many students, quite' → 'many students found.' (2) 'The committee postponed the vote until more information was available.' Cut 'made a decision to' → 'postponed' and 'until such time as' → 'until.' (3) 'Students interested in the program should apply to be considered.' Cut 'who are interested in participating in' → 'interested in,' and 'in order to be considered' → 'to be considered' (or drop it). The principle: delete wordy formulas that add no meaning ('due to the fact that,' 'made a decision to,' 'until such time as,' 'in order to') and replace nominalizations with verbs ('made a decision' → 'decided'). Concision is not informality; it removes padding while keeping the register.
2. The student fears cuts will sound 'less professional.' Evaluate that concern and advise on how to hit 220 words.
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The concern rests on a false link between length and formality. Padding phrases like 'due to the fact that' and 'until such time as' are not markers of professionalism; they are wordy substitutes for single words, and editors routinely cut them. Trimming the three passages saves roughly 25–30 words, leaving the brief near 270-still short of 220. The student should then cut the least essential content: background the reader already knows, repeated facts, or a redundant quotation, rather than shaving every sentence. A useful order: (1) remove filler phrases everywhere, (2) merge sentences that repeat a point, (3) drop one lower-value detail. Reading the result aloud tests whether it still sounds polished. A tight 218-word brief reads more professionally than a padded 300-word one, because every sentence earns its place.