Five-Minute Revision of a 200-Word Opinion Text
You are in the final 25 minutes of the written production task. The prompt asks: 'Should your school ban cellphones during class? Write a 200-word opinion text.' Your draft is 180 words. It contains three main ideas: phones distract students, phones help with research, and teachers should enforce rules. The draft has no clear topic sentence; the first paragraph begins 'Cellphones are a big problem today.' You use 'also' four times and 'very' three times. You have two subject-verb agreement errors ('students needs', 'it help'). You have five minutes left to revise before the exam ends. The rubric rewards a clear position, two supporting arguments, and coherent paragraphing more than minor spelling slips, and you have not yet written a conclusion. You must decide what to change first, what to leave, and why.
1. What should you revise in the five minutes you have, and what should you deliberately not try to fix? Justify your priorities using the likely scoring criteria for a 200-word opinion text.
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With five minutes, prioritize global coherence and one high-frequency grammar pattern:
- Add a thesis/topic sentence that answers the prompt, e.g. 'Cellphones should be restricted during class, not banned completely.' This is the biggest fix because the reader currently has no position to follow.
- Cut or subordinate one of the three ideas. Keep distraction and research; fold 'teachers should enforce rules' into the conclusion as an enforcement condition. Three equal ideas in 200 words weakens unity.
- Replace repeated 'also' with one contrast and one addition ('However,' 'Moreover') so the argument shows progression.
- Fix the two agreement errors ('students need,' 'it helps') because they are quick and basic.
- Do not try to eliminate every 'very' or rewrite the whole text. Cosmetic vocabulary edits are lower priority than a missing thesis.
Reasoning: an opinion text is scored for position, support, and organization; a clear thesis and controlled paragraph focus affect the reader more than three adjectives.
2. Rewrite your opening two sentences to create a clear thesis and a preview of structure. Then explain how your rewrite improves coherence.
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Revised opening: 'Cellphones should not be banned during class, but they should be restricted to teacher-directed activities. This policy would reduce distraction while preserving phones as a research tool.'
Why it improves coherence:
- It states a position instead of announcing a vague problem.
- It previews the structure: restriction (not ban) plus two functions, distraction and research.
- The contrast 'not ... but' signals the concession early, so the reader knows the essay will balance both sides.
- 'This policy' creates a direct link to the next sentence, so the paragraph has a clear topic chain.
A weaker opening such as 'Cellphones are a big problem today' makes the reader wait for the argument and could fit almost any essay. The revision gives the reader a map.