Conflict Management
Conflict is not automatically bad
Task conflict about ideas can improve decisions; relationship conflict about people erodes trust. A skilled leader diagnoses the type, the intensity, and the stakes before choosing a response.
The five modes (Thomas–Kilmann)
Plotted on assertiveness and cooperativeness: competing (high/high on own outcome), collaborating (high/high on both), compromising (moderate/moderate), avoiding (low/low), accommodating (low own, high other). No mode is universally best: collaborating suits important issues with time and trust available; compromising suits moderate stakes or a deadline; avoiding suits trivia or a cooling-off period; accommodating suits low-stakes relationship investment; competing suits emergencies and safety.
Interests, not positions
Separate people from the problem, surface underlying interests behind stated positions, generate options before judging them, and agree objective criteria. Deal with emotion first: acknowledge, name, and slow the exchange before problem-solving. Mediation uses a neutral third party, is voluntary and confidential - the mediator has no authority to impose a settlement.
Traps
Questions often imply collaboration is always correct, or confuse compromise (both give something up) with collaboration (a new option that meets both interests). Also watch for: skipping straight to solutions before interests are clear; triangulation (two parties routing grievances through a third); and using avoidance on a genuinely important issue.
Worked example
Two colleagues argue over who owns a shared inbox. Positions: "you should do it" versus "no, you". Interests: reliable response times and fair workload. Option: weekly rotation with a written service standard and a shared escalation path.