Writing: rebalancing summary, analysis and comment under a word limit
Lena is writing the 'Schreiben' part of her mock Abitur. She has 60 minutes and a 420-word limit. The task is to analyse the rhetorical strategies in a short speech excerpt and then comment on whether the speech is persuasive. The excerpt reads: 'We are not asking you to sacrifice. We are asking you to remember what you already know: that a street is not a road, that a neighbour is not a stranger, and that a city is not a machine.' Lena's draft contains a 200-word summary of the speech's context, two sentences identifying 'tricolon' and 'metaphor', and a 150-word comment that says: 'I think the speech is persuasive because it uses emotions and makes people feel good.' She has written 390 words and has 15 minutes left. The task instructions require analysis of at least three rhetorical devices and a justified evaluation.
1. How should Lena redistribute her 420 words, and what must an analysis paragraph contain? Refer to at least three features of the excerpt.
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The summary should be no more than 40–50 words: the speaker asks an audience not to sacrifice but to remember a humane view of urban life. Analysis should take roughly 200–220 words; comment 140–160; introduction and conclusion should be brief or fused. Each analysis paragraph should quote the device, name it precisely, explain how it works linguistically, and link it to purpose and audience. Features: (1) anaphora 'We are not asking ... We are asking ...' creates a corrective, inclusive frame; (2) tricolon 'a street ... a road, a neighbour ... a stranger, a city ... a machine' builds rhythm and climax; (3) negation 'not a road / not a stranger / not a machine' defines by contrast, rejecting alienation; (4) metaphor 'a city is not a machine' challenges mechanistic planning. The comment should then evaluate whether this rhetoric persuades or manipulates.
2. Rewrite Lena's sentence 'The speaker uses a tricolon, which is three things in a row, to make the speech more interesting' so that it meets Abitur standards.
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Better: 'The tricolon 'a street is not a road, a neighbour is not a stranger, and a city is not a machine' moves from the physical to the social to the civic, creating a climactic rhythm that redefines urban space in human terms and invites the audience to see themselves as custodians rather than users.' The revision does four things: it quotes the device instead of defining it; it identifies the semantic progression (physical → social → civic); it names an effect (climactic rhythm, redefinition); and it links that effect to audience positioning. 'More interesting' is empty because it does not say what the device does to the listener. In the exam, the device name alone earns little; the explanation of function earns the marks.
3. What is the main problem with Lena's comment 'I think the speech is persuasive because it uses emotions and makes people feel good'?
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It is an assertion without criteria. 'Emotions' is not a rhetorical strategy; it is a broad effect, and 'feel good' is vague and potentially contradicted by the speech's corrective, slightly admonishing tone. A strong comment should set out a criterion - for example, whether the rhetoric clarifies the proposal, whether it invites identification without manipulating, or whether it survives counterarguments - and then test the excerpt against it. Lena could concede that the tricolon is memorable and inclusive, but argue that the negation oversimplifies urban planning by presenting dissent as inhuman. That would be a justified evaluation rather than a feeling. The comment need not be negative, but it must be reasoned and text-based.