Two Drafts, Two Audiences: Editing a Notice and a Letter
The Grade 8 English Club is organizing a cleaning campaign on Saturday, 14 March. Two drafts have been written. The notice for students reads: "Attention students! Our club is organizing a cleaning campaign on Saturday, 14 March. We are needing volunteers who can brings their own brooms. Any student which wants to join should registers at the office before Thursday. The campaign will starts at 7:00 and finish at 11:00. Refreshments will be provided. Come one, come all!" The letter to the Ministry of Education begins: "Dear Sir, Hey! We want you to come to our school on 14 March. We are having a cleaning campaign and we think it will be really cool if you say a few words. Please reply fast."
1. Correct the grammar of the student notice and explain the rule behind each correction.
Read the worked answer
| Draft | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| We are needing | We need | "Need" describes a state, not an action in progress; simple present is used. |
| who can brings | who can bring | A modal verb is followed by the base form. |
| Any student which | Any student who | "Who" refers to people; "which" refers to things. |
| should registers | should register | Modal + base form. |
| will starts ... and finish | will start ... and finish | Modal + base form; the two verbs share one "will" and must be parallel. |
Corrected notice: "Attention, students! Our club is organizing a cleaning campaign on Saturday, 14 March. We need volunteers who can bring their own brooms. Any student who wants to join should register at the office before Thursday. The campaign will start at 7:00 and finish at 11:00. Refreshments will be provided. Come one, come all!"
The errors are all in verb and pronoun forms, not in vocabulary, so the meaning never becomes unclear - but errors in an official school notice damage the club's credibility with parents and teachers.
2. Rewrite the opening of the letter in a formal register and explain three specific changes you made.
Read the worked answer
Rewrite: "Dear Sir/Madam, We are writing on behalf of the Grade 8 English Club to invite you to attend our cleaning campaign on Saturday, 14 March. We would be grateful if you would say a few words to open the event. We would appreciate a reply by 7 March so that we can finalize our programme. Yours faithfully, The Secretary, Grade 8 English Club"
Three changes and reasons:
- "Hey!" removed and "Dear Sir/Madam" used. A greeting sets the relationship; slang signals a friend, not an official.
- "We want you to come" → "We would be grateful if you would..." Requests to superiors use indirect, polite forms; the direct imperative sounds like an order.
- "really cool" → "to open the event"; "reply fast" → "reply by 7 March". Slang is vague to an adult reader, and "fast" gives no deadline. A date lets the office act, and "Yours faithfully" matches "Dear Sir/Madam" (if the name is known, use "Yours sincerely").
3. A member argues that "Come one, come all!" is old-fashioned and should be deleted. Decide whether to keep it, and justify your decision using the audience and purpose of the notice.
Read the worked answer
Decision: replace it with a plain equivalent such as "Everyone is welcome."
Reasoning:
- The notice's purpose is practical: to get volunteers to register by Thursday. Anything that slows understanding works against that purpose.
- The audience is the whole school, including younger students and parents who may read English as a second or third language. "Come one, come all!" is an idiom; a reader who does not know it may not realize it simply means everyone may attend.
- The informal, cheerful tone is appropriate for a student notice, so the closing line should stay friendly - only the wording changes.
When keeping it would be defensible: if the notice is read only by the club's own members, who share the idiom, the phrase works as a lively slogan. The deciding test is whether the intended reader will understand it quickly. Here they may not, so clarity wins over style.