Written production: cutting 214 words to 180 without losing the argument
A candidate in the written-production section has 30 minutes to write an opinion essay of 150-180 words on this prompt: 'Some schools ban mobile phones during lessons. Do you agree?' The draft is 214 words. It opens: 'Nowadays, in my opinion I think that phones are a big problem in the classroom. Students are always distracted, they don't pay attention, etc. I strongly believe that schools must ban them because they are bad.' The draft then gives two reasons, but repeats the thesis in the final paragraph almost word for word. The candidate uses contractions ('don't', 'can't') and the informal connector 'anyway'. The teacher must help the candidate cut at least 34 words, raise the register, and make the thesis more precise without adding new content.
1. Identify three specific edits that bring the draft within the word limit and state the approximate word savings.
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Three safe cuts: (1) Replace 'Nowadays, in my opinion I think that' with 'In my view,' saving four words and removing the double opinion marker. (2) Compress 'Students are always distracted, they don't pay attention, etc.' to 'Students are constantly distracted,' saving about five words and fixing the comma splice. (3) Delete the final paragraph's repeated thesis, since it repeats the introduction word for word, saving roughly 20-25 words. Together these cuts bring 214 words under 180 without losing the two reasons. The principle is redundancy, not content: the essay is over length because it repeats, not because it has too many ideas.
2. Rewrite the opening sentence in a more academic register and sharpen the thesis.
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A sharper opening: 'In my view, phones during lessons are a serious distraction, and schools should restrict them to break times.' This removes the empty 'Nowadays', avoids the double opinion formula, replaces the vague 'big problem' with a specific claim, and states a policy rather than a general dislike. The thesis is now arguable and previews the essay's scope. It is also about 20 words, leaving room for the two reasons.
3. Explain why 'anyway' and contractions are inappropriate here, and propose replacements that fit the essay.
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Contractions and 'anyway' lower the register because they imitate speech. In an opinion essay, use 'do not' and 'cannot' rather than 'don't' and 'can't', and replace 'anyway' with 'Moreover', 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' if the function is adding a point. But do not replace it mechanically: if 'anyway' means 'regardless', the sentence may need 'Nevertheless' or a full clause. Register is a set of consistent choices, not a single fix.