Order 4471: Turning a Scribbled Complaint into a Formal Email
You work in the stockroom at Bellweather Hardware. On Tuesday 4 March a delivery arrives against order 4471. You ordered 12 boxes of 60mm wood screws, 8 boxes of 40mm screws and 20 tubes of wood filler; the delivery note shows 12, 8 and 14. Two of the 60mm boxes are crushed and the screws are loose in the carton. Your supervisor Dave scribbles a draft on the back of the note: 'hi its dave from bellweather. order 4471 come tuesday and its wrong again. we are short on the filler and some boxes is smashed. send replacements asap or we will go elsewhere.' He asks you to email it to [email protected]. The contract says shortages and damage must be reported in writing within three working days of delivery. The shop reopens after a stock count on Friday 7 March at 9am, and Dave wants the email sent before then.
1. Dave's draft is too vague to send. Which details need to be exact, and why?
Read the worked answer
Three details need numbers behind them.
First, 'short on the filler' hides the only figure the supplier needs: you ordered 20 tubes and received 14, so you are six short. Second, 'some boxes is smashed' hides which product and how many: two boxes of 60mm wood screws, with the screws loose. Third, 'wrong again' is a claim with nothing behind it - either give the reference of the earlier problem or leave it out, because an unprovable complaint weakens the parts you can prove.
You also need the order number (4471) and the delivery date (Tuesday 4 March). The date is not decoration: the contract gives three working days to report, and Friday 7 March is the third working day, which is why the email cannot wait until after the stock count.
Without figures the supplier can only guess at your picking notes, and a guessed credit is a slow credit.
2. Rewrite the draft as a formal email of no more than 120 words, with a subject line.
Read the worked answer
A model reply:
'Subject: Order 4471 - shortages and damage, delivered 4 March
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing about order 4471, which was delivered to Bellweather Hardware on Tuesday 4 March.
The delivery note shows 14 tubes of wood filler, but we ordered 20, so we are six short. In addition, two boxes of 60mm wood screws arrived crushed and the screws are loose in the carton.
Please confirm when you will send the six tubes and the two replacement boxes. Our contract requires shortages to be reported within three working days, so I would be grateful for a reply by Friday 7 March.
Yours faithfully, A. Patel, Stockroom, Bellweather Hardware'
The changes that matter: a subject line that names the order and the problem; full sentences and capitals; exact quantities; the deadline stated as a request rather than a threat. 'We will go elsewhere' has been dropped because a supplier who is asked politely for a date usually responds faster than one who is cornered, and 'asap' has become a real date.
3. Correct three errors in Dave's draft and name each one.
Read the worked answer
Pick three and be precise about the label:
- 'its' should be 'it is' or 'it's' - the apostrophe marks a missing letter, and the possessive 'its' means something different. The draft uses the possessive where a verb is needed.
- 'order 4471 come tuesday' should be 'came on Tuesday' - wrong verb form for a past event, and 'Tuesday' needs a capital because it is a day of the week.
- 'some boxes is smashed' should be 'some boxes are smashed' - the verb must agree with the plural subject 'boxes'.
Two more faults are worth mentioning even if you only need three: sentences start with lower-case letters and run on without full stops, and 'asap' is too informal for a written contract complaint.
Naming the error, not just fixing it, is what shows control: a reader can see you know why 'boxes is' is wrong and are not simply copying someone else's corrected version.