Revising a Run-On and Ambiguous Reference
A student writes this sentence in a formal email to parents: 'The principal met with the teachers after school because they were concerned about the new schedule, and she explained the changes, but the teachers still had questions, they asked for another meeting.' The student wants to keep the sentence as one sentence, emphasize the teachers' concerns, and avoid unclear pronoun reference. A peer suggests replacing 'they' with 'the teachers' and adding a semicolon before 'they asked.' Another peer suggests splitting the sentence into three shorter sentences. The email must sound professional and must not blame any group.
1. Identify two sentence-level problems in the original sentence and explain how each affects clarity.
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First, 'they' after 'teachers' is ambiguous: it could refer to teachers or principal/administrators, so the reader cannot tell who was concerned. Second, the comma before 'they asked' creates a comma splice; two independent clauses are joined only by a comma. The string of 'and ... but ...' clauses also buries the main point. These problems force the reader to reread and weaken the professional tone.
2. Evaluate the peer's suggested fix: replace 'they' with 'the teachers' and add a semicolon before 'they asked.' Does it satisfy the constraints? Explain.
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Partially. Replacing 'they' with 'the teachers' fixes the pronoun reference. A semicolon before 'they asked' legally joins two independent clauses, so it fixes the comma splice. But the result is still a long, chain-like sentence: '...but the teachers still had questions; they asked for another meeting.' The semicolon is correct, yet the sentence remains less readable than a split version. It satisfies grammar and reference but only partly satisfies the goal of emphasizing teachers' concerns.
3. Write a revision that keeps the professional tone and emphasizes the teachers' concerns. You may split the sentence.
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Example: 'The principal met with the teachers after school to explain the new schedule. Because the teachers were concerned about the changes, they still had questions and asked for another meeting.' This splits the sentence, makes 'the teachers' the clear referent, and uses a subordinate clause to emphasize their concerns without blaming anyone. The tone is neutral and professional.