Cutting a 210-Word Letter Down to 150
A student has 8 minutes left in a 3-hour paper to finish a 5-mark letter. The task: write 120-150 words to the headmaster asking for repair of the school's drinking-water tap, which has been dry for six days. The rubric is format 1, content 2, language 1, appropriateness 1. The draft is 210 words. It opens 'Dear sir, I want to say that you must repair the tap at once'; it includes a 45-word story about a teacher who slipped near the tap; it ends with 'If you don't, we will complain higher.' The student knows the water problem is real and the teacher's fall is true. The student asks whether to keep the story because it is 'evidence' and whether the angry closing can be kept for 'impact'.
1. Decide what to cut, what to keep, and why, using the rubric. Address the story and the closing.
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Cut the 45-word teacher story to a short clause, or drop it. The rubric gives content marks for the problem, its duration, its location and the requested action; the story uses about 45 of the 120-150 words and pulls attention to an accident rather than the dry tap. Keep 'six days' and the specific tap because they make the request concrete. Cut 'you must' and the threat: appropriateness is a separate mark, and a threat risks losing it even when the problem is real. 'Impact' is not the same as rudeness; urgency can be shown by the six-day duration and by a clear requested action. The draft should move from 210 words toward 140 by deleting the story, the threat and repeated complaint.
2. Rewrite the opening and closing in a polite request register (2 sentences total) and state the word-count consequence.
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Opening: 'I am writing to request that the drinking-water tap near the school veranda be repaired, as it has been dry for six days.' Closing: 'We would be grateful if the repair could be arranged before Friday's health check.' The two sentences total 44 words. This leaves roughly 76-106 words for the body, which is enough for location, duration, effect on students and the requested action. In Manipuri, use the respectful request form for the headmaster, not the plain imperative used for students. The factual detail about the six days should stay; the teacher's fall can be reduced to 'a teacher also slipped near the wet area' only if the word count allows, because it is supporting detail, not the main request.
3. The student argues that the teacher's fall is 'true evidence' and should earn content marks. How would you decide?
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Truth is not the same as relevance. The content marks are for the water problem and the request, so the fall is relevant only if it is tied to the dry tap or to safety. If the fall happened because the tap area was wet, it may confuse the reader: the complaint is a dry tap. If it happened because people were carrying water across the veranda, one short clause can support the effect on the school. The decision rule is: keep it only if it explains why the repair is urgent, and keep it under 10 words. Otherwise cut it. The closing threat is different: it is relevant to the request but damages appropriateness. The student should separate 'relevant fact' from 'useful fact under the word limit'.