Placement Brochure Sentence Under Deadline
You are editing a 40-word sentence for a B-school placement brochure before a 6 p.m. print deadline. The sentence reads: “Having cleared the aptitude test and the group discussion, the interview panel’s final round remained the only hurdle for most candidates.” The brochure’s style guide forbids dangling modifiers, prefers active voice, and requires claims to be supported by the placement report. The report says 212 of 300 candidates cleared the test and group discussion, and 176 of those 212 faced a final interview. A colleague suggests two fixes: (A) “Having cleared the aptitude test and group discussion, most candidates found the final interview the only remaining hurdle.” (B) “The interview panel’s final round remained the only hurdle for most candidates after clearing the aptitude test and group discussion.” You must choose one revision, justify it grammatically and factually, and decide whether “most candidates” can stand in the brochure.
1. Which revision, A or B, better satisfies the style guide, and why?
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Revision A is better. In the original, the opening participial phrase “Having cleared the aptitude test and the group discussion” modifies “the interview panel’s final round,” which cannot clear a test. A makes “most candidates” the subject immediately after the comma, so the phrase logically attaches to the people who cleared the test. B keeps “the interview panel’s final round” as the subject, so the modifier still dangles or is at best ambiguous. A is also closer to active voice: candidates found the interview to be the hurdle, rather than the hurdle remaining by itself.
2. Is the phrase “most candidates” factually supported by the placement report? Show the relevant comparison.
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It depends on the denominator, which the brochure does not state. Of all 300 candidates, 176 faced a final interview: 176/300 = 58.7%, which is a majority but only a bare one. Of the 212 who cleared the test and group discussion, 176/212 = 83.0%, which is clearly most. The phrase “most candidates” is therefore misleading if read as most of all 300; it is safer to write “176 of 300 candidates” or “most of those who cleared the group discussion.” Since the style guide requires supported claims, the unqualified phrase should not stand.
3. Rewrite the sentence in active voice under 35 words, retaining only supported facts.
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Draft: Of 300 candidates, 212 cleared the aptitude test and group discussion; 176 of those 212 then faced a final interview. This is under 35 words, uses active constructions, removes the dangling modifier, and keeps only report-backed facts. It drops “only hurdle” and “most candidates” because “only” is an unsupported judgement and “most” needs a stated denominator.