The double-debit advisory: fixing grammar, tone and jargon in 48 hours
You manage the nodal branch of a bank that migrated its core banking system over the weekend of 8–9 March. A batch error caused 3,100 standing-instruction auto-debits (EMIs, insurance premiums, mutual fund SIPs) to be presented twice, debiting roughly ₹4.6 crore in total. Social media posts allege the bank "looted" customers, 640 complaints are pending, and the regulator has sought a factual note within 48 hours. The bank has already reversed 1,900 entries and expects to complete the rest within 7 working days.
The corporate communication team's draft advisory opens with this paragraph:
"We wish to inform that due to a system migration occurred on 8 March, some customer's accounts was debited twice. The bank is deeply sorry for the inconvenience caused and the refund will be credited within 7 working days, if any excess debited amount is found. Customers are advised to not worry and contact there branch for any queries."
1. Identify every error of grammar, usage or logic in the draft paragraph and give the corrected version.
Read the worked answer
Errors, in order of appearance
- "a system migration occurred on 8 March" - a finite clause cannot modify a noun this way; needs a relative clause or a participle: "a system migration that took place on 8 March" or "following the system migration on 8 March".
- "some customer's accounts" - a plural noun needs a plural possessive: "some customers' accounts".
- "accounts was debited" - subject–verb disagreement: "accounts were debited".
- "the refund will be credited ... if any excess debited amount is found" - the condition is stated after the promise and in the wrong tense, so it reads as if the bank will refund only sometimes. Restructure: state the check first, then the promise.
- "advised to not worry" - split infinitive is acceptable in modern usage, but "not to worry" is the natural register for a formal advisory; better still, delete it - telling customers not to worry creates doubt rather than removing it.
- "contact there branch" - wrong homophone: "their branch".
- Repetition: "deeply sorry for the inconvenience" and "regret the inconvenience" in the same paragraph; also the passive "will be credited" hides the actor.
Corrected version
"We write to inform you that, following a system migration on 8 March, some customers' accounts were debited twice by an automated process. We have already reversed 1,900 of the affected entries and will complete the remaining reversals within 7 working days. If your account shows an excess debit after that date, please contact your branch and we will resolve it on priority."
2. Choose the most effective apology-and-commitment sentence from the three options below and explain why the other two fail. (a) "The bank deeply regrets the inconvenience and assures that the excess amount, if any, will be refunded." (b) "We apologise. Every affected account will be refunded within 7 working days, and no customer will be out of pocket because of this error - including any charges arising from it." (c) "Management has noted the issue and appropriate action is being taken as per policy."
Read the worked answer
Best: (b). It does four things a customer actually needs: it apologises in the first person ("we"), it commits to a specific and verifiable timeline (7 working days), it names who is covered (every affected account), and it closes the obvious follow-on worry - bounce or late-payment charges caused by the missing funds. The error is owned rather than attributed to "a system".
Why (a) fails: it is passive and conditional. "If any excess amount" invites the customer to suspect the bank will deny the error case by case, and "assures that ... will be refunded" names no date and no owner. The bank is described as an institution regretting something, not as a party that will fix it.
Why (c) fails on every count: nominalisation ("management has noted"), passive voice ("action is being taken"), and a self-referential excuse ("as per policy") with no timeline, no amount and no accountability. In a complaint surge this wording reads as evasion and will amplify the social media narrative.
Caution on (b): the commitment "no customer will be out of pocket ... including any charges" must be operationally true before it is published. Confirm with the operations and charges teams that auto-debit bounce charges and credit-report corrections will in fact be absorbed; if not, soften it to "we will reverse any charges caused by this error". A commitment you cannot keep is worse than the passive version.
3. Rewrite the following sentence from the draft in plain English in 45 words or fewer, without losing any commitment: "Consequent upon reconciliation of the migrated ledger post facto, the reversal of the erroneously duplicated debits shall be effected on a best-effort basis within a timeframe not exceeding seven working days, subject to validation of the same by the central processing unit."
Read the worked answer
Rewrite (34 words): "We are checking every affected account now. Once the check is complete, we will reverse any duplicate debit within 7 working days. You do not need to contact us to claim it."
What was changed and why
- "Consequent upon reconciliation ... post facto" → "We are checking now": drops two Latinisms and states the action in the active voice with a named actor.
- "erroneously duplicated debits" → "any duplicate debit": the duplication is already an admission of error; labelling it again is redundant.
- "shall be effected on a best-effort basis" → "will reverse": "best-effort" is the phrase that quietly weakens the commitment. Since the target is a firm 7 working days, remove the hedge rather than translate it.
- "timeframe not exceeding seven working days" → "within 7 working days": numerals beat nominalisations.
- "subject to validation by the central processing unit" → kept as a plain check ("once the check is complete") but not as an open-ended escape clause; the internal owner of the validation is irrelevant to the customer.
Test applied: a reader with school-level English, scanning the message on a phone, should be able to say what happened, what the bank will do, and by when - in one reading.