Reviewing a Branch Reply Before It Is Sent
A clerk at a branch has drafted the following reply to a customer, and the branch manager has asked for a review before it goes out.
Subject: Regarding your complaint for the cheque which is not cleared
Dear Sir, We are receiving your mail dated 12th and the same has been forwarded to our clearing department. Your cheque No. 441672 of Rs. 68,500 was returned due to insufficient fund and the same is been sent back to you. Kindly do the needful at the earliest and maintain sufficient balance in future so that such types of problems are not arise again. We regret for the inconvenience caused. For any further query you may revert back to us. Thanking you, Clerk, South Park Branch
The customer has already written twice, has not been told when the cheque will reach him or what exactly he must do, and the bank's service standard requires a named contact and a case reference on every reply. The manager wants the language corrected and the substance made specific, without making the letter sound either casual or accusatory.
1. Identify the defects in the draft and rewrite only the defective portions, explaining why each change is needed.
Read the worked answer
- 'We are receiving your mail' - present continuous for a completed action. Use the simple past: 'We received your email of 12 March.'
- 'the same' (used twice) - a vague pronoun substitute that forces the reader to work out what is meant. Replace with 'your email' and 'your cheque'.
- 'due to insufficient fund' - 'fund' in this sense is a count noun. Write 'insufficient funds'.
- 'is been sent back' - not a valid passive in any tense. Use 'has been sent back' (completed) or 'is being sent back' (in progress).
- 'Kindly do the needful at the earliest' - archaic and content-free; it does not say what to do. Replace with the specific action, for example 'please ensure the account carries at least ₹68,500 before the cheque is re-presented'.
- 'such types of problems are not arise again' - two verbs where one is needed. Write 'so that this does not happen again'.
- 'We regret for the inconvenience' - 'regret' is transitive, so the preposition is wrong: 'We regret the inconvenience'.
- 'revert back' - 'revert' already carries the idea of returning; 'back' is redundant. Use 'reply'.
- 'Thanking you' - a participial fragment used as a sign-off. Use 'Yours sincerely' with a named officer and a case reference.
2. The manager must choose between two closing sentences. Which is the better choice for this customer, and on what grounds? A. 'You must maintain sufficient balance in future so that such types of problems are not arise again.' B. 'To avoid a repeat, please ensure the account carries at least ₹68,500 before the cheque is presented again; our clearing desk can hold the instrument until 24 March if you tell us on 044-XXXXXXX.'
Read the worked answer
B is clearly better, on four grounds that a clerk can defend to a manager.
Specific vs vague. A states a general duty; B states the exact sum, the exact action and the exact date, so the customer knows what to do without writing back a third time.
Tone. 'You must' reads as a reprimand and invites a complaint about the bank's manner rather than about the cheque. B states the same requirement as a shared objective ('to avoid a repeat') and keeps the bank in a helpful role.
Grammar. A carries the same double-verb error as the draft ('are not arise'). B is clean.
Actionability. B gives a route to act on - a phone number and an offer to hold the instrument - which converts a dead-end letter into a service contact.
The only thing A does better is brevity, and brevity is not worth a third unanswered complaint. Note also that B keeps the amount ₹68,500 consistent with the rest of the letter; inconsistency in figures is the commonest self-inflicted damage in branch correspondence.
3. Rewrite the sentence 'Kindly do the needful at the earliest and maintain sufficient balance in future' as a single courteous instruction of not more than 20 words, and state what information the reply must carry that the draft omits entirely.
Read the worked answer
Rewrite (19 words): 'Please ensure the account holds at least ₹68,500 before we re-present your cheque; we will confirm the date by SMS.'
The rewrite passes the word limit, names the amount, names the action, promises a confirmation and removes the dead phrases 'do the needful' and 'at the earliest'.
What the draft omits:
- The case or complaint reference number, without which the customer's next email starts the process from zero.
- The name, designation and direct extension of the officer handling the matter, which the service standard requires.
- The date on which the cheque will be returned or re-presented, which is the customer's actual question.
- The cheque return memo and the applicable charge, if any was levied.
- A statement of what the customer should do if the money is time-critical, such as requesting cancellation and re-issue.
A reply that fixes the grammar but still leaves the customer without a reference, a name and a date has only solved the smaller half of the problem.