Editing a Magazine Paragraph Without Changing Emphasis
A Class XI student, Arnab, submits this paragraph for the school magazine: 'Each of the students who participates in the science fair have to submit a project. My friend and I was excited when we first heard about it. We have been working since two months. The teacher, along with the lab assistants, are helping us. Neither the charts nor the model were ready last week. We hope that our project will be selected and we can represent our school.' The editor has space for only 70 words and wants standard written English. She marks six problems but tells Arnab that one correction he proposes-changing 'Each of the students' to 'All students'-would fix grammar but alter emphasis. Arnab must correct the paragraph without flattening its meaning.
1. Identify four grammatical errors in the paragraph, correct them, and name the rule involved in each.
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- 'Each of the students who participates ... have to submit' - the subject is 'Each,' which is singular, so the verb should be 'has to submit.' The intervening phrase 'of the students who participates' does not change the subject. 2. 'My friend and I was excited' - a compound subject joined by 'and' is plural, so 'were excited.' 3. 'We have been working since two months' - 'since' marks a point in time, while 'for' marks duration; use 'for two months.' 4. 'The teacher, along with the lab assistants, are helping' - the subject is 'The teacher'; 'along with' is a parenthetical phrase, not a coordinating conjunction, so the verb is 'is helping.' A fifth error is 'Neither the charts nor the model were ready': with 'neither ... nor,' the verb agrees with the nearer subject, 'model,' so 'was ready.' A sixth is 'will be selected and we can represent': the second clause needs parallel structure, e.g. 'will be selected and that we can represent' or 'will be selected and can represent.'
2. Explain why changing 'Each of the students' to 'All students' is not an acceptable edit, even though it removes the agreement problem.
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'Each of the students who participates' makes the requirement distributive: every individual student who takes part must submit a project. 'All students' makes it collective and can imply every student in the school, including those not in the fair. It also removes the relative clause 'who participates,' which restricts the group. The grammar problem is solved, but the rule changes from an individual obligation to a general one. A better edit keeps 'Each' and changes the verb to 'has': 'Each of the students who participates in the science fair has to submit a project.' That preserves both the singular focus and the restriction.
3. Rewrite the paragraph in about 70 words of standard written English, keeping Arnab's emphasis.
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Each student who participates in the science fair has to submit a project. My friend and I were excited when we first heard about it. We have been working for two months. The teacher, along with the lab assistants, is helping us. Neither the charts nor the model was ready last week. We hope our project will be selected and that we can represent our school.