Five Minutes to Revise
During writing time, Luis reads his draft aloud: 'My dog Max is very, very good. He is good at fetch. He is good at sitting. He is good at not barking. I love my dog Max a lot. He is a good dog.' His partner Kim says, 'It's good.' Mr. Adeyemi asks the class to name one strength and one change that would help the most. Students suggest three changes: (1) cross out 'very, very' and 'a lot'; (2) add a sentence telling about a time Max was not good; (3) replace every 'good' with the word 'loyal.' Mr. Adeyemi reminds the class that revision is not the same as fixing spelling, and that a revision should help the reader see or understand something new. Luis has five minutes to revise before reading to the class, and he can only make one of the three changes.
1. Which of the three suggested changes would help Luis's writing the most, and why are the other two weaker?
Read the worked answer
Change 2 would help the most. It gives the reader a specific moment to picture instead of a list of labels. A scene also creates contrast: if Max is sometimes not good, the reader believes the good parts more.
Why change 1 is weaker: cutting 'very, very' and 'a lot' is real work, but it is trimming, not adding. The paragraph still says the same thing in fewer words. It helps the writing a little; it does not give the reader anything new.
Why change 3 is weaker: swapping 'good' for 'loyal' does not add information, and the swap does not fit every sentence - 'He is loyal at fetch' does not make sense. A fancier word in the wrong place is worse than a plain word in the right place.
The judgment: the strongest revision changes what the reader knows, not just how the words sound.
2. Kim said, 'It's good.' Write a better response Kim could give, and explain what makes it useful.
Read the worked answer
One strong version:
'I like that every sentence is about Max, and the line about not barking made me laugh. The part I want more of is the time he was not good - I can't picture it yet. Could you tell one short story about that?'
What makes it useful:
- It names a specific part ('the line about not barking') instead of praising the whole draft.
- It says why that part worked, so Luis knows what to repeat.
- It makes one suggestion, small enough to act on in five minutes.
- It asks rather than commands, which keeps Luis as the writer making the choice.
'It's good' is kind, but Luis cannot use it. He leaves the table not knowing what to keep or what to try.
3. Luis has five minutes and can make only one change. What should he do first, and what risk should he watch for in the new sentence?
Read the worked answer
First: spend the first two or three minutes writing one short scene showing Max being not good - for example, Max taking a sandwich off the table - rather than hunting for a better adjective.
Last minute: read the new sentence aloud inside the paragraph to hear whether it fits.
The risk: the paragraph ends with 'He is a good dog.' If the new sentence makes Max seem bad and nothing answers it, the ending will feel wrong. So Luis should plan one sentence that turns the story back - Max taking the sandwich, then sitting when asked. That way the new detail makes the last line stronger instead of contradicting it.
The judgment being tested: revising under a time limit means choosing the change with the biggest effect and checking that it fits the whole piece.