Vending Machine Opinion Paragraph: Thesis Under Constraints
You are on the student council at Chiba Minami High School. The council must publish a 120–150 word opinion paragraph in the school newsletter on this question: Should the vending machines in the east corridor sell only fruit and healthy snacks? Your survey of 200 students found: 62% prefer fruit; 21% prefer the current snacks; 17% answered 'no opinion'. The vending company reports that current sales earn ¥48,000 per year for library books; a fruit-only machine would earn about ¥12,000. A local grocer has offered to supply apples at cost, but only if the council commits for a full year. A teacher warns that the paragraph must include a counterargument and a practical recommendation. The newsletter editor also requires one accurate number from the survey and one from the sales report, and will cut anything over 150 words.
1. Write a thesis statement for the paragraph that takes a clear position and acknowledges the revenue loss.
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Example thesis: 'Although a fruit-only machine would cut the library contribution from ¥48,000 to about ¥12,000 a year, the council should trial a mixed machine, because 62% of surveyed students prefer fruit and a trial limits the financial risk.'
Why it works: it states a position (trial a mixed machine); it concedes the strongest objection (a ¥36,000 loss); it gives a reason tied to the survey; and it narrows the recommendation so it is practical. It avoids a vague 'fruit is healthier' claim, which the data set does not measure, and avoids 'everyone wants fruit', which the 62% figure does not support.
2. Which two numbers should be included, and why? Explain why not all the survey figures should be used.
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Use 62% and the revenue figures (¥48,000 vs about ¥12,000, or the ¥36,000 difference). The 62% directly supports the pro-fruit side, while the revenue numbers answer the counterargument the teacher requires. The 21% and 17% figures are less useful: 17% 'no opinion' does not strengthen either side, and 21% can be mentioned only if space allows. In a 120–150 word paragraph, listing all four numbers would crowd out reasoning and make the paragraph read like a data dump rather than an argument.
3. Revise this sentence to make it precise and evidence-based: 'Fruit is better because it is healthy and everyone wants it.'
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Revised: 'Fruit may be a better default because 62% of surveyed students said they preferred it; however, the current machine contributes ¥48,000 a year to library books, so the council should test a mixed machine instead of switching completely.'
The revision replaces 'better' with a specific criterion (student preference), replaces 'everyone' with the actual survey figure, and adds the revenue counterpoint. It also changes an unsupported causal claim ('because it is healthy') into a cautious recommendation. This is what the editor means by evidence-based: each claim can be traced to a number in the data set.