Three Moments at a Christchurch Dinner Table
You are three weeks into a home stay in Christchurch, New Zealand. One evening three things happen at the dinner table.
(a) Your host mother, Mrs Bell, asks, 'Would you like some more potatoes?' You have already had two helpings and you are full. (b) The phone rings. It is a classmate of your host brother Josh. Josh is in the shower. His father hands you the phone and says, 'Can you find out who it is and what he wants?' (c) Mr Bell says, 'Your English is getting really good.' You know you made four mistakes in the last five minutes.
You have studied 'No, thank you' and 'I am sorry, I cannot eat any more' in class. Your teacher's advice before you left was: 'In New Zealand, a refusal should be clear, warm and short, and a compliment should be accepted, not denied.'
1. Write what you say for (a). Explain why the textbook sentence 'I am sorry, I cannot eat any more' is risky here, and why you should not soften your refusal so much that it stops being a refusal.
Read the worked answer
Model line: 'No, thank you - it was lovely, but I'm really full.'
Why the textbook line is risky: I am sorry frames your own appetite as a fault you are apologising for, and I cannot eat any more sounds like a medical limit. Both are polite in Japanese-influenced English, but here they invite the host to worry or to keep asking. The host did not ask whether you are able; she asked whether you want more.
Why not over-soften: a New Zealander typically treats one clear 'No, thank you' as final and will not ask a third time. Something like 'Maybe a little…' or 'I'm not sure…' will be heard as yes, and the food arrives. Vagueness is not politeness; it transfers the work to the host.
The working formula: clear no + thanks + one specific compliment about the food. Three functions, one short turn.
2. Write what you say for (b), and explain why 'Who are you?' fails even though it is correct English.
Read the worked answer
Model line: 'Hi, this is Yuki - I'm staying with the Bells. Josh is in the shower. Who's calling, please?' … then, once you have the name and the message, 'OK, Ben - I'll ask him to call you back. Can I take your number?'
Why 'Who are you?' fails: it is a demand for identification from a stranger who has already introduced himself as Josh's classmate. It sounds like an accusation, and it is what a police officer says. The functional version is Who's calling, please? or May I ask who's speaking? - same information, different footing.
Two more judgement points in this scene. First, you cannot promise I'll tell him you called unless you will actually do it; the father asked for the message, so write it down. Second, do not hand the phone back to the father - he gave it to you, so finish the job and report: 'It was Ben. He wants Josh to bring the science notes tomorrow.'
Test: does your line leave the other person with a next action?
3. Write two possible replies for (c) - one weak, one strong - and explain what makes the difference.
Read the worked answer
Weak: 'No, no, my English is very bad.' Strong: 'Thanks - I'm still learning, but I understand much more than last month. Josh helps me a lot.'
The weak reply does three unwanted things at once. It denies something the host can see for himself, which in effect tells him he is wrong; it closes the conversation at the point where he was offering encouragement; and it is not even accurate - three weeks of daily English is progress.
The strong reply accepts the compliment (he is not asking for a grade), keeps one honest limit ('still learning'), and adds information he can respond to. That last part is the real skill: a compliment is an invitation to keep talking, not a test you must pass or fail.
Note the grammar trap students fall into when they try to disagree politely: 'My English is not good' is not wrong, but 'I am not good at English' plus a smile is a much smaller claim and much easier to say.