Fifty-Six Words and One Missing Content Point
The write-in-English task on the entrance exam gives you a situation, three content points and a word limit. Your class practises with this one:
Situation: You will join a video call with a buddy class in New Zealand next Friday. Before the call, write an email (35–45 words) to your buddy, Sam. Content points: (i) who you are and where you live; (ii) one thing you enjoy doing; (iii) one question for Sam.
Your first draft (56 words): 'Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Yuki and I am a very cheerful and positive person. I live in Miyagi, Japan, and I am fifteen years old. I like playing badminton and watching baseball on TV. Please teach me English, because my English is not good. I am looking forward to talking with you.'
The teacher's comment: 'One content point is missing, you are 11 words over the limit, and at least four of your words are empty praise.'
1. Rewrite the email in 35–45 words. Give your exact word count and state what you deleted and why.
Read the worked answer
Rewrite (39 words): Hi Sam. I'm Yuki from Miyagi, Japan. I'm fifteen and I go to Sakura Junior High School. I like playing badminton and watching baseball. What do you do after school? I'm looking forward to our first video call. Yuki
Count: Hi(1) Sam(2) I'm(3) Yuki(4) from(5) Miyagi(6) Japan(7) I'm(8) fifteen(9) and(10) I(11) go(12) to(13) Sakura(14) Junior(15) High(16) School(17) I(18) like(19) playing(20) badminton(21) and(22) watching(23) baseball(24) What(25) do(26) you(27) do(28) after(29) school(30) I'm(31) looking(32) forward(33) to(34) our(35) first(36) video(37) call(38) Yuki(39).
Deleted
- nice to meet you - replaced by 'Hi Sam', which does the same job in three fewer words.
- and I am a very cheerful and positive person (9 words) - self-praise the reader cannot check, and not a content point.
- Please teach me English, because my English is not good (10 words) - a request, not the required question, and it uses the words to talk about yourself.
Added: the question What do you do after school? - the missing content point, and a closer.
One caution: check how your exam counts contractions. If it counts I'm as two words, your real total rises by 3 and you must cut again. When unsure, count the hard way.
2. A classmate's email is 45 words, includes all three content points, and still scores lower. The question is 'Do you like Japan?' Explain what the marker is probably rewarding that this email misses.
Read the worked answer
Meeting the three points is the entry ticket, not the score. The marker is also looking at what the question does.
Do you like Japan? is answerable in one word and asks about the writer's own country rather than about Sam. It gives the buddy almost nothing to say back - which is fatal, because this email exists to make the video call easier. A stronger question is open and about the reader: What sports do you play? What do you do after school? What kind of music do you like?
Other things a marker rewards in a 45-word limit:
- Sentence variety. All short statements score lower than a mix of statement + question, or a when/because clause.
- Linking. One clear and/but/because instead of a string of separate sentences.
- No repetition. 'Miyagi is in Japan. Miyagi is famous for…' burns words without adding information.
- A visible structure: greeting → who I am → my interest → my question → closing. The marker should find all five without hunting.
3. Why is 'Please teach me English, because my English is not good' a poor use of the remaining words in this particular task, even though it is polite English?
Read the worked answer
Three separate problems, and only one of them is about grammar.
- It does not do a job the task asks for. The three content points are fixed; a request for English lessons is a fourth, unrelated subject that pushes the required question out of the word budget.
- It sets the wrong footing. The buddy class is a two-way exchange, and this sentence makes you a customer receiving a service. The first video call goes better if Sam thinks 'he wants to know about me' rather than 'he wants free lessons'.
- It undercuts your own message. 'My English is not good' written before you have said anything tells the reader to expect a hard conversation, and it is likely untrue of a student who has just written a correct 40-word email.
If you genuinely want help, the effective move is to make it small and mutual: I'm nervous about speaking. Can you speak slowly? That is a request Sam can act on, and it leaves room for him to say he is nervous too.