Fifty-three words and two challenges
A third-year student is writing the composition for a mock entrance examination. The prompt reads: 「あなたが高校生活で挑戦したいことを一つ書きなさい。その理由も書きなさい。条件: (1) 英語で20語以上30語以内 (2) 2文以上 (3) 理由を一つ含める。」 He hands in this draft: 「Hello. I am Yuki. I want to join the tennis club and study English hard. I have two reasons. First, I like tennis very much because my father is a tennis coach. Second, English is important for my future job. So I will do my best in high school. Thank you for reading.」 That is 53 words in seven sentences. He says, 「My teacher always says long writing is good writing, and everything in it is true.」 A classmate wrote 26 words about one thing and received a higher mark, which he thinks is unfair.
1. He believes the only risk is a small penalty for length. Explain what the 20-30 word range and the 「one reason」 condition are actually testing, and where his draft loses marks.
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What the conditions test. The range is not a decoration; it checks whether the candidate can select and compress. Thirty words is enough for one claim and one reason, and not enough for two of each, so the writer must decide what matters. The 「one reason」 condition checks that he can read a prompt and obey it - the most common reason for lost marks at this level.
Where the draft loses marks.
- It answers a different question. The prompt asks for one challenge; he gives two (tennis and English), so each reason is thin.
- Whole sentences carry no content. 「Hello」, 「I am Yuki」, 「I have two reasons」 and 「Thank you for reading」 answer nothing that was asked. That is roughly 14 of his 53 words.
- One reason is not personal. 「English is important for my future job」 could be written by anyone; the tennis reason (his father coaches) is the kind of specific detail examiners reward.
- Length is only the visible symptom. The deeper problem is that a memorised frame arrived before the question was read.
His classmate scored higher because every one of 26 words was doing work.
2. Rewrite the draft within 20-30 words, keeping conditions (1), (2) and (3), and give the exact count.
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Rewrite. 「I want to join the tennis club. My father is a tennis coach, and I want to practise with him and become a better player.」
Count. I(1) want(2) to(3) join(4) the(5) tennis(6) club(7) / My(8) father(9) is(10) a(11) tennis(12) coach(13) and(14) I(15) want(16) to(17) practise(18) with(19) him(20) and(21) become(22) a(23) better(24) player(25). 25 words, two sentences.
Conditions checked. (1) 25 is inside 20-30. (2) Two sentences. (3) One challenge (tennis club) and one reason (his father coaches, so he wants to practise with him).
Two counting warnings. Count compound nouns as separate words, as the exam does: 「tennis club」 is two. Avoid contractions such as 「I'm」 and 「don't」, because schools differ on whether they count as one word or two, and an ambiguous count is a needless risk. Leave a two-word margin below the limit if you can, so one miscounted word does not break the condition.
3. In what order should he delete material from a draft like this, and why does deleting those parts cost him nothing?
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Delete in this order:
- Greeting and sign-off (「Hello」, 「Thank you for reading」). These belong to a letter, not to this task. No prompt condition asks for them.
- Meta-sentences about the writing itself (「I have two reasons」). The examiner can count the reasons; telling them costs words.
- General closing (「So I will do my best in high school」). It is true and empty: it fits any prompt, which is exactly why it earns nothing.
- Self-introduction (「I am Yuki」). The answer sheet already carries his number.
- One of the two challenges, keeping whichever has the more specific personal reason.
Why nothing is lost. Every deleted item is either content the prompt did not ask for or content the reader already has. The scored material - which challenge, which reason, how clearly it is expressed - is untouched.
The habit to build. Before writing, underline the prompt's conditions. After writing, tick each one. If a sentence cannot be ticked against a condition, it is a candidate for deletion.