English - Abstract Revision Under a Word Limit
A Kuwait University chemistry student has drafted the abstract of a lab report in English and asks you to review it before submission. The abstract must be 150 words; the draft is 168. The key sentences are: (1) 'By heating the sample for two hours, the mass was reduced by 12.4%, which was measured.' (2) 'The results was compared with the theoretical value and it was lower.' (3) 'The data suggests that the sample comprises of two hydrated phases.' The required content is: purpose, method, key numerical result, and one limitation. The student wants to keep every idea and asks you to 'just fix the grammar.' You have ten minutes and cannot add new experimental content. The deadline is in one hour, and the instructor penalizes both word-count overruns and loss of required content.
1. The student asks you to 'just fix the grammar' without changing content. Which two edits would you make first, and why? Rank the three sentences by how much they threaten scientific clarity.
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Rank by clarity threat, not by how obvious the grammar error looks.
- Sentence (1) is the most serious. 'By heating the sample for two hours, the mass was reduced, which was measured' has a dangling modifier: it says the mass did the heating, and 'which was measured' has no clear referent. This misstates the method, so it must be fixed first. A minimal repair is: 'Heating the sample for two hours reduced its mass by 12.4%.'
- Sentence (3) is next. 'Comprises of' is redundant; use 'comprises' or 'consists of'. 'Data suggests' is accepted as a mass noun in some house styles, but formal chemistry writing often uses 'data suggest'. Choose one style and be consistent.
- Sentence (2) is a flat error but less damaging to meaning. 'Results was' should be 'results were', and 'it was lower' should name the quantity: 'the experimental value was lower.'
Under the 150-word limit, cut 'which was measured' and 'of' rather than deleting required content. The student's instruction to 'just fix grammar' cannot be followed literally because sentence (1) is a meaning problem, not only a grammar problem.
2. Rewrite sentence (1) in no more than 18 words so that the agent, the action, and the measured quantity are unambiguous. Then state what was lost, if anything.
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A version that meets the limit: 'We heated the sample for two hours and measured a 12.4% mass loss on the balance.' This is 15 words. It names the agent ('we'), the action ('heated'), the measured quantity ('mass loss'), and the instrument ('balance').
What is lost is the impersonal passive tone that some journals prefer. If the target journal requires passive voice, use: 'The sample was heated for two hours; its mass decreased by 12.4%, as measured on the balance.' That version keeps the agent out but still attaches the measurement to the mass change rather than to an unexplained 'which.' The judgement is that clarity of agency outranks habit here; a passive sentence is acceptable only if it does not create a dangling modifier.
3. The student insists 'data suggests' is correct because 'data' is now singular. How would you decide, and how does the 150-word limit affect your choice?
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Decide by target-journal style plus internal consistency, not by personal preference. In formal scientific prose, 'data suggest' treats data as plural and is the safer default; many journals also accept 'data suggests' as a mass noun. Check the journal's author guidelines if they are available. If they are not, use 'data suggest' and keep every other plural construction consistent.
The word limit should not drive this choice: 'suggests' and 'suggest' differ by one character, so there is no meaningful saving. Do not justify a grammatical change as a word-count measure when it saves nothing. If a cut is needed, remove 'which was measured' and 'of' from the other sentences. The real judgement is that the abstract's claims must be clear and consistent; either style can be defensible, but mixing styles in three sentences is not.