Moderating a Formal Email to the Principal
At a Kuwaiti secondary school, the English department is choosing one of two student-written emails to send to the principal, Dr. Ahmad, requesting permission to hold a charity book fair in the school hall next Thursday. Student A writes: 'Hey Dr. Ahmad, we wanna use the hall next Thursday. It's gonna be awesome. Can we?' Student B writes: 'Respected Principal, I am writing to solicit your gracious authorization for the utilization of the aforementioned facility on the forthcoming Thursday, and I remain your humble servant.' The department must select the more appropriate email and revise it so that it includes the date, purpose, supervision arrangements, and a clear request. The school's writing guide asks for formal but natural language, avoids contractions and slang, and requires a concise subject line. The teacher also wants to use the decision to teach register: why neither extreme is acceptable. The final email must fit within 120 words.
1. Which email is closer to the required register, and what exactly makes the other one unsuitable? Refer to specific words.
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Email B is closer in register because it avoids slang and contractions, but it is not usable: 'solicit your gracious authorization', 'aforementioned facility', and 'humble servant' are archaic and vague. Email A is clearer but unsuitable: 'Hey' assumes equality with the principal, 'wanna/gonna' are spoken forms, and 'awesome' evaluates rather than requests. The guide asks for formal but natural, so neither is a model. The decision should not be 'A is friendly, B is polite'; it should be that B has the right level of distance but the wrong kind of language, while A has the right purpose but the wrong relationship. Revision should keep B's distance and A's directness.
2. Write a revised email of no more than 120 words that keeps the students' purpose and meets the guide.
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Subject: Request to Hold a Charity Book Fair Dear Dr. Ahmad, We are writing to request permission to hold a charity book fair in the school hall on Thursday, 14 November, from 9:00 to 12:00. The event will be supervised by Ms. Noura and two parent volunteers. Students will donate books and the proceeds will go to the school library. We would be grateful if you could confirm whether the hall is available. Thank you for considering our request. Yours sincerely, Grade 12 Charity Committee
3. Explain why 'wanna/gonna' are not simply 'informal' but inappropriate for a written request to a principal, and why over-formality can also weaken the request.
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'Wanna' and 'gonna' are not just casual; they signal a spoken, in-group relationship. In a written request to a principal, they blur the line between student and authority and make the request look unplanned. Over-formality fails differently: words like 'solicit' and 'aforementioned' force the reader to decode the message, and 'humble servant' sounds performative. A principal needs date, purpose, supervision, and a clear question. Excessive politeness can hide the request and even seem mocking. The best register is respectful distance plus plain verbs.