Editing the Water Notice
An urban local body must publish a water-supply notice in English before the local-language translation goes out. The draft below was written in a hurry:
'Residents are hereby informed that the water supply in Ward 7 will be suspended from 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. on 14 June, for repair of pipeline. The pipeline is being repaired by the contractor, which has been leaking for two months. Two tankers will be stationed at the community hall, and either of them are available on request. Residents are advised to store water. Any inconvenience caused is deeply regretted by the Department.'
The junior engineer who wrote it asks whether it is 'good enough for the press'. The ward has 8,400 residents, about a third of whom read English as a second language, and the notice must fit a half-page newspaper advertisement.
1. Identify three grammatical faults in the draft, correct each, and state the rule that is breached.
Read the worked answer
1. 'either of them are available' → 'either of them is available'. 'Either' used as a pronoun is singular; the intervening prepositional phrase 'of them' does not change the number of the subject. This is the one error a reader will notice immediately, because it is heard as wrong even when the rule is not known.
2. 'The pipeline is being repaired by the contractor, which has been leaking for two months' → 'The pipeline, which has been leaking for two months, is being repaired by the contractor'. The relative clause begins after 'contractor', so its antecedent reads as 'contractor': the sentence as written says the contractor has been leaking. Move the clause next to the noun it describes. The comma pair matters too - a non-defining clause needs both commas.
3. 'for repair of pipeline' → 'for the repair of the pipeline'. A singular countable noun needs a determiner, and 'repair' here is a specific act, not an abstract one. The dropped articles are the commonest mark of a draft written in a hurry.
A fourth, stylistic rather than grammatical, fault is worth flagging: 'Any inconvenience caused is deeply regretted by the Department' uses a needless passive and splits the verb from its subject. 'The Department regrets the inconvenience' is shorter and firmer.
2. Rewrite the notice in no more than 60 words at a readability level suitable for a second-language reader, keeping every fact and adding nothing.
Read the worked answer
Ward 7 water supply: 14 June
Water will be cut off from 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. on 14 June. The Department is repairing the pipeline, which has been leaking for two months.
Two water tankers will wait at the community hall. Please ask there.
Store water before 6 a.m. We are sorry for the trouble.
(56 words.)
The changes that matter, not just the shortening:
- Short sentences, one idea each. Every sentence is under 20 words.
- Active voice and a named actor. 'The Department is repairing', 'Please ask there', 'We are sorry' - the reader knows who does what.
- The instruction is visible. 'Store water' and 'ask there' sit in the body, not buried behind 'Residents are advised to'.
- Numbers kept - 6 a.m., 4 p.m., 14 June, two tankers, Ward 7 - and nothing added, since inventing a phone number or a collection point would be a factual change, not an edit.
- Header carries the two facts a skimming reader needs: which ward and which date.
3. The translator says the passive constructions and 'hereby' will not survive the local-language version. Identify the two features of the draft that translate worst, explain why, and name one fact the notice must add to be actionable.
Read the worked answer
1. 'Residents are hereby informed'. 'Hereby' is a legal performative - it does the act of informing by being said. Many Indian languages render it either as an archaism that sounds like a court summons or as a literal phrase with no meaning at all. Replace it with a plain statement of the notice's purpose ('The Department wishes to inform residents of Ward 7 that...') or drop it and let the headline do the work.
2. The chain of agentless passives: 'is being repaired by', 'are advised to', 'is deeply regretted by'. English can hide the actor; translation generally cannot, so the translator must invent one - and will typically invent the most formal available register, turning a public notice into a bureaucratic circular. Recast in the active voice with a named subject: 'The Department will repair...', 'Please store water', 'We are sorry'. The same fix solves the translation problem and the readability problem.
One fact to add: a contact - a ward office telephone number or the hours when someone will be at the community hall. As drafted, a resident who needs water during the cut has been told that tankers exist but not whom to ask or when. The date should also carry the day of the week, and the notice should name the area boundaries of Ward 7, since readers may not know which side of the road they are on.