Crash Report Narrative Review
Review this draft narrative from a crash report: 'On 03/14 at approximately 2215, I responded to a two-car motor vehicle crash on Route 24 northbound near Exit 12. Operator 1 said he was rear-ended. Operator 2 said Operator 1 stopped suddenly. Vehicle 1 had rear bumper damage; Vehicle 2 had front bumper damage. No injuries were reported. Operator 2 was nervous and had slurred speech. I completed the crash report.' The posted speed limit is 55 mph. Light rain was falling, and the pavement was wet. The narrative does not state following distance, whether airbags deployed, whether field sobriety tests were offered, or whether Operator 2 was cited. A sergeant wants the report revised before it is sent to the insurance board and the district attorney's office for possible OUI review. The report must be factual, chronological, and neutral.
1. Identify three deficiencies in the narrative and explain how each could affect a charging or insurance decision.
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Three deficiencies stand out. First, the report gives no speed or following-distance information, so an insurer cannot evaluate whether Operator 2 was tailgating or whether Operator 1 brake-checked. Second, 'slurred speech' is not tied to objective observations or to whether field sobriety tests were offered, which weakens an OUI charge because the conclusion is unsupported. Third, the report omits the disposition, such as citations issued or no action taken, leaving the reader unable to tell whether the investigation was completed. A fourth issue is the vague 'approximately 2215' when dispatch records can supply an exact time. Each gap forces the reader to guess, and guessing favors the driver's version in an insurance dispute or a suppression motion.
2. Rewrite the sentence about Operator 2's condition so it is specific, neutral, and defensible.
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A defensible rewrite uses only observed facts: 'Operator 2 spoke in a slow, slurred manner, repeated one question, and steadied himself on the door frame. He denied drinking. I did not conduct field sobriety tests because [specific reason].' The key is to separate observation from inference. Do not write 'Operator 2 was intoxicated' unless you can support it. If tests were offered, say which tests, at what time, and the result. If they were not offered, say why, such as medical treatment or refusal to participate. The sentence should let a reader reach the same conclusion you did without relying on your conclusory label.
3. Explain why 'approximately' and passive voice weaken this report, and propose one revision that fixes both problems.
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'Approximately' weakens the report because a crash time can usually be fixed from dispatch records or a 911 call; if the time is uncertain, say why. Passive voice hides who did what, as in 'No injuries were reported' instead of 'I observed no injuries and both operators declined medical evaluation.' A single revision that fixes both: 'At 2215, dispatch assigned me to a two-car crash on Route 24 northbound at Exit 12; I arrived at 2223 and observed no visible injuries.' This gives an exact time, names the actor, and preserves the distinction between what dispatch said and what you observed.