A complaint letter that reads like a text message
Mark Vella lives on Triq il-Kbira and has had no refuse collection for three consecutive weeks; the scheduled dates were 12, 19 and 26 April. Bags are stacked against his front door and neighbours have begun adding theirs to the pile. The council's online form returned an automated reply and there was no follow-up. His Intermediate English class has been asked to write a formal letter of complaint of 180-220 words to the council's Director of Cleansing, including the dates, the effect on residents, and one specific request. Mark's draft opens: 'Hi guys, so basically our bins have been ignored for like three weeks now and it's honestly gross.' Later he writes: 'You people should be ashamed.' He finishes: 'Get back to me ASAP.' His teacher has flagged the letter for register only and given him three comments to spend.
1. Explain two register problems in Mark's opening and rewrite the opening two sentences formally without losing the facts.
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Problem 1 - the wrong relationship is assumed. 'Hi guys' treats a director and a department as friends. A formal letter's opening does two jobs at once: it names the recipient correctly and states the purpose. Neither happens here, so the reader has to infer what the letter is for.
Problem 2 - informal lexis doing the work of evidence. 'so basically', 'like' and 'gross' are conversational markers. In a complaint, a word like 'gross' invites the reader to treat the problem as a matter of taste; dates and numbers make it a matter of fact. 'Ignored' also asserts intent, which Mark cannot prove and which invites a defensive reply.
Rewrite: 'Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to report that household refuse on Triq il-Kbira has not been collected on three consecutive scheduled dates: 12, 19 and 26 April. The bags are now blocking the entrance to my property, and neighbours have added theirs to the same pile.'
The facts are identical; what changed is that the letter now reads as a record rather than a rant.
2. Decide whether Mark should keep, modify or cut 'You people should be ashamed.' Justify your decision by reference to what the letter is trying to achieve.
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Cut it, and replace it with a consequence.
The sentence fails on three counts. First, it is aimed at a person rather than at the failure: 'you people' treats a department as a single negligent character, which is exactly the claim the council can most easily rebut ('collections are contracted to a third party'). Second, it transfers the argument from facts to feelings, and a reader who is being scolded stops looking for dates. Third, it costs the writer the moral advantage he has actually earned, because three missed collections are a strong case and an insult is a weak one.
What the sentence is trying to do - convey that this is unacceptable - is legitimate. Keep the force, move it into something the recipient must answer: 'The uncollected waste now presents a health risk to residents, and the council's online reporting system has produced no response beyond an automated acknowledgement.' That is more damning than the insult, and it cannot be dismissed as rudeness.
Rule of thumb: in a complaint, indignation should show in the precision of the detail, not in the adjectives.
3. Mark wants to end with 'Get back to me ASAP.' Rewrite the closing so it performs the functions a formal complaint needs, and explain what each part is doing.
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Rewrite: 'I would be grateful for a written reply within ten working days, confirming when the missed collections will be made up and what steps the council will take to prevent a recurrence. Yours faithfully, Mark Vella.'
What each part does. 'I would be grateful' is a formula, and formulas are useful: they signal that the writer knows the genre and expects the reader to as well. 'Within ten working days' turns a wish into a deadline the recipient can act on or refuse - 'ASAP' can be met by doing nothing, because it sets no standard. Naming the two things to be confirmed prevents a reply that acknowledges the complaint without resolving it, which is what the automated response already did. 'Yours faithfully' is correct here because the letter opens with 'Dear Sir or Madam'; if Mark finds the director's name and writes 'Dear Ms Attard', he must switch to 'Yours sincerely'. The rule is mechanical, and examiners check it.
'ASAP' is not rude, but it is unquantified, and in formal correspondence an unquantified request is an easy one to ignore.