The Compost Editorial: Grammar, Voice, and a Hard Word Limit
Priya, a senior, submits a 512-word editorial for the school paper, which has a 450-word limit and a print deadline in two days. The piece argues that the cafeteria should expand composting. The adviser marks four problems: (1) 'Each of the new bins are labeled'; (2) 'Students ignore them, they put milk cartons in the trash'; (3) 'Walking through the lunchroom, the signs confused me'; (4) 'The committee decided they would revise their policy.' Priya says her voice is conversational and does not want to sound 'like a textbook.' The adviser also notices a tense shift from past to present in the second paragraph and a 70-word sentence that buries the main claim. The paper's style guide permits contractions and occasional fragments in editorials but requires standard subject-verb agreement and clear pronoun reference. Priya has already cut 20 words and is resistant to cutting more.
1. Rank the four marked problems in order of editorial priority and justify the order. Then revise sentence (2) to preserve Priya's conversational voice.
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Priority should follow meaning and the paper's stated rules, not the order the errors appear. First is (3), the dangling modifier: 'Walking through the lunchroom, the signs confused me' says the signs were walking, so the sentence means something unintended. Second is (2), the comma splice: 'Students ignore them, they put milk cartons in the trash' blurs two complete thoughts and weakens the causal claim. Third is (4), vague pronoun reference: 'The committee decided they would revise their policy' leaves 'they' ambiguous between the committee as a unit and its members. Fourth is (1), subject-verb agreement: 'Each ... are' is a clear rule violation but rarely confuses meaning. The style guide permits contractions and fragments but requires agreement and clear reference, so (1) and (4) must still be fixed. A voice-preserving revision of (2): 'Students ignore the new bins and toss milk cartons in the trash.' This keeps the plain, direct tone while removing the splice.
2. Priya is 62 words over the limit and resists cutting. Propose a revision plan that addresses the 70-word sentence, the tense shift, and the word limit without flattening her voice.
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Start globally: find the 70-word sentence, identify its main claim, and split it into a topic sentence plus one supporting sentence. That likely saves 15-25 words and makes the argument easier to follow. Next, decide the tense pattern: use present tense for ongoing conditions ('students ignore,' 'the bins are labeled') and past tense only for a specific completed event ('the committee met Tuesday'). Consistency here is not cosmetic; it signals whether the problem is current or historical. Then cut 62 words by removing repeated examples and hedges, not by deleting evidence. Keep contractions and one deliberate fragment if it lands a point. Because the deadline is two days away, revise the structure before line-editing; otherwise Priya may polish sentences she later cuts. The test is whether the editorial's claim appears in the first two sentences and whether every paragraph advances it.