Teaching 'Hate Father and Mother' to Teenagers
A youth leader, Samuel, is preparing a three-week series for 25 university students on 'Following Jesus when it costs'. He plans to read Luke 14:25–35, where Jesus says, 'If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.' A parent, Mrs Devi, emails the church: 'This is dangerous language in a church with teenagers. Are you teaching them to hate their families?' The pastor asks Samuel to write a one-page explanation before Sunday. Samuel also wants to include the parables of the tower and the king going to war and the saying about salt.
1. Explain how Luke 14:26 is to be read in its ancient Jewish context and how the parallel in Luke 14:27 and 14:33 clarifies it. What must Samuel not do?
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Luke 14:26 must be read as ancient hyperbole, not as a literal command to hate. In Semitic idiom, 'hate' can mean 'love less' or 'reject as a rival'; Genesis 29:31–33 uses 'hated' for Leah because Jacob loved Rachel more, not because Jacob abused her. Jesus is speaking to the large crowd about the cost of being his disciple. The parallel lines make this clear: 14:27 says the disciple must carry the cross, and 14:33 says he must give up all his possessions. The point is absolute loyalty: no family tie, not even one's own life, can take the place of Jesus. Matthew 10:37 gives the same saying as 'whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.' Samuel must not do two things: he must not literalise the verse into a licence for contempt or abuse, and he must not soften it into 'be a nice person'. He should explain the idiom, keep the offence of the demand, and say plainly that Jesus is not asking teenagers to dishonour parents; he is asking them to refuse to make family the ultimate thing.
2. What do the twin parables of the tower and the king (14:28–32) and the salt saying (14:34–35) contribute to the series? How should Samuel handle the fact that the first hearers were 'large crowds' (14:25)?
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The tower and king parables teach deliberate counting, not automatic refusal. A builder sits down first to see whether he has enough; a king considers whether he can meet an army of twenty thousand with ten thousand (14:28–32). The point is that discipleship is not a burst of crowd enthusiasm; it is a considered commitment that can be completed. The salt saying (14:34–35) adds perseverance: salt that has lost its saltiness is useless for soil or manure and is thrown away. The crowd setting matters. Luke says 'large crowds' were travelling with Jesus (14:25); Jesus is not trying to keep the crowd large but to make disciples who know what they are doing. Samuel should therefore design the three weeks around counting the cost, not around an emotional altar call. Week one: the demand (14:25–27). Week two: the calculation (14:28–33). Week three: the salt and the warning (14:34–35). He can invite students to name one loyalty that competes with Jesus and one concrete way to reorder it.
3. Mrs Devi's concern is about teenagers. Propose how Samuel can answer her in writing without dismissing her, using at least two other Luke passages.
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Samuel should begin by thanking Mrs Devi for raising it, not by defending himself. He can write: 'You are right that the sentence sounds shocking. Jesus used a deliberate shock to make a point about loyalty, not to tell children to hate parents. In the same Gospel Jesus is obedient to Mary and Joseph (Luke 2:51–52), redefines his true family around hearing the word of God (Luke 8:19–21), and promises that those who leave family for the kingdom receive family in return (Luke 18:29–30). Luke also records Jesus quoting the command to honour father and mother (Luke 18:20).' He should explain the idiom, offer to show her the lesson plan, and invite her to the Q&A. He should also tell the students plainly that following Jesus never authorises disrespect, neglect or abuse of family; it does mean that family cannot be the final authority. That answers her fear without emptying the text. If she still objects, the pastor should review the material with her rather than dismiss her.