The 176-word letter to the principal
A candidate has 40 minutes to write a letter to the principal for a directed-writing task. The task says: 'Your school council wants to start lessons at 9:00 instead of 8:30. Write a letter to the principal giving your views, two reasons, and one practical step the school could take. Write 250–300 words.' The candidate's draft opens: 'Hey Principal, I'm writing about the later start thing. It's a no-brainer that teenagers need more sleep. Everyone knows we're exhausted. Also, the buses are crowded.' The draft has one reason, no practical step, and ends at 176 words. The teacher's margin note says: 'Good idea, wrong register, missing content.' The candidate has a redraft tomorrow and asks for a plan, not a full rewrite.
1. Diagnose the draft against the task: name the missing content, the register problem, and the effect of the word count.
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Missing content: the task requires two reasons and one practical step. The draft has one reason (tiredness) and no step. The bus crowding is an additional complaint, not a developed second reason, and it is not linked to the 9:00 start. Register: 'Hey Principal', 'thing', 'no-brainer' and 'Everyone knows' are conversational and, in a letter to a principal, inappropriate. 'No-brainer' also sounds dismissive of the decision-maker. Word count: 176 against 250–300 leaves the argument underdeveloped; the candidate has not explained why 9:00 would help or how the step would work. The margin note is fair. A redraft should not simply add words; it should add the missing reason and step, then expand each with a specific example. The candidate should also replace the opening and the generalisation with a formal purpose statement.
2. Draft a three-part plan with word allocations that would reach 250–300 words without padding.
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Opening (40 words): 'Dear Principal, I am writing on behalf of the school council to ask you to consider starting lessons at 9:00 from next term.' State the purpose and the council's role, not a personal complaint. Reason 1 (60 words): adolescent sleep patterns - explain that a later start may improve punctuality and attention in first period; add a concrete local example, such as first-period lateness in winter. Reason 2 (60 words): transport safety - crowded buses and darkness at the 8:30 start; link to a specific route or season. Practical step (70 words): propose a six-week trial for one year group, with a short staff and student survey before and after; explain who would review the data. Close (30 words): acknowledge timetable constraints, offer to present the council's survey, thank the principal. Total about 260 words. The allocations prevent the opening from taking half the letter and force the step to be specific.
3. Rewrite the opening two sentences in formal register and explain two changes.
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'Dear Principal, I am writing on behalf of the school council to propose that lessons begin at 9:00 instead of 8:30.' Two changes: first, 'Hey' becomes 'Dear' and the addressee is named by role, which establishes formal distance; second, 'the later start thing' becomes 'lessons begin at 9:00 instead of 8:30', which is precise and states the proposal. 'I'm writing about' is also replaced by 'I am writing ... to propose', making the purpose explicit. The sentence avoids over-formality ('I humbly beseech') and keeps a clear, direct tone. In a directed-writing letter, the opening should do three jobs: greet, state purpose, and name the proposal. The original does only the first two vaguely.