The chalet that is taken away: writing a complaint that still gets a holiday
You are doing a writing task of the type used in the exam: a short, practical email with a word limit of 60–80 words and four content points.
Your family - two adults and two children, aged 9 and 14 - booked chalet 45 at a holiday park in Zeeland for 12–19 July. It has three bedrooms. You paid a €100 deposit in April; the booking number is 4512. This morning the park emailed: 'Unfortunately chalet 45 is unavailable because of maintenance work. We can offer you chalet 12, which has two bedrooms and no dishwasher, from 14 July. If this does not suit you, we will refund your deposit.'
You do not want a refund: this is the family's only holiday week, the dates cannot move, and two bedrooms for four people is not what you booked. The assignment asks you to write an email to the park in which you: refer to the booking, explain politely why the offer is a problem, suggest what you would accept instead, and ask for an answer before Friday.
The assignment also says: be polite, even though you are disappointed.
1. Write the email (60–80 words).
Read the worked answer
Model email
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing about booking 4512 for chalet 45, from 12 to 19 July. We were sorry to hear that chalet 45 is unavailable. Chalet 12 is not suitable for us: we are four people and we booked three bedrooms. Could you offer us another three-bedroom chalet for the same week, perhaps at one of your other parks? We would also accept a smaller chalet at a reduced price. Please let us know before Friday.
Kind regards, Sanne de Vries
Why this scores: it opens and closes correctly, names the booking number (so the park can find the file), gives the reason for refusing the offer in one factual sentence instead of a paragraph of anger, makes a concrete counter-proposal, and ends with the deadline the assignment asked for. The word count is about 75.
What it deliberately does not do: it does not repeat the whole booking history, does not mention the children's ages (irrelevant to the park's problem), and does not threaten. Every sentence either gives information the park needs or asks for something.
2. A classmate starts like this: 'This is unacceptable! We paid in April and now you treat us like this!' Explain why this opening costs marks, using the assignment.
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It costs marks on three separate criteria.
- Tone. The assignment says explicitly: be polite, even though you are disappointed. This opening is angry, so it fails the requirement in the task itself.
- Content points. The four required points are: refer to the booking, explain the problem politely, suggest something, ask for an answer. 'This is unacceptable' does none of them, and it uses up words from a 60–80 limit that are needed for the counter-proposal.
- Effect on the reader. The park's email already offers a refund. A furious reply makes the refund look like the easiest way to close the file. A calm reply that asks for a three-bedroom alternative gives the park something it can actually say yes to.
What to do instead: state facts, then make a request. 'We booked a three-bedroom chalet for 12–19 July. Chalet 12 does not have enough bedrooms for our family. Could you offer a three-bedroom chalet for the same week?' The complaint is still clear - it is just carried by the facts rather than by exclamation marks.
3. You have to stay within 80 words. What do you cut, and what must never be cut?
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Cut: the story of how long you saved for the holiday, the ages of the children, a description of how much everyone was looking forward to it, and apologies for 'bothering' the park. None of these help the park solve the problem, and each one costs five to fifteen words from a very small budget.
Keep: the booking number, the dates, the core problem (four people, three bedrooms booked), your proposal, and the Friday deadline. These are the four content points the assignment lists. Without the booking number the email may not even reach the right file; without the dates there is nothing to rebook.
Rule of thumb for a 60–80 word task: one sentence per content point, plus a greeting and a closing. That is five or six sentences. If a sentence does not refer to the booking, explain the problem, propose a solution or ask for an answer, it is costing you words you cannot spare - and in a short task, going far over the limit is penalised even when the English is correct.