Tightening a Vague Sentence Under Word Limit
An officer must fit a summary into a 40-word limit for a database field. The draft is 61 words: "At approximately 3:15 in the early morning hours, the officer responded to a call regarding a possible burglary in progress at a commercial establishment, and upon arrival the officer observed that the front glass door of the business had been shattered and there was glass on the ground, and the officer then conducted a search of the interior and found no suspects present on the premises." The officer must cut it to 40 words or fewer without dropping any legally significant fact.
1. Produce a version of 40 words or fewer that keeps every legally significant fact, and list what you cut.
Read the worked answer
Legally significant facts to keep: time (3:15 a.m.), response to reported burglary, shattered front glass door, glass on ground, interior search, no suspects found.
Trimmed version (37 words): "At 3:15 a.m. the officer responded to a reported commercial burglary. On arrival the front glass door was shattered with glass on the ground. The officer searched the interior and found no suspects."
What was cut (and why it's safe):
- "in the early morning hours" - redundant with "a.m."
- "possible" / "in progress" - "reported burglary" covers it
- "commercial establishment" → "commercial"
- "upon arrival the officer observed that" → "On arrival"
- "conducted a search of" → "searched"
- "present on the premises" - redundant with "found no suspects"
No fact of legal significance was removed.
2. The officer is told the field also requires active voice and no nominalizations (noun forms of verbs). Revise your version to comply and identify any nominalizations you removed.
Read the worked answer
Nominalizations to remove: "response" (→ respond), "search" as a noun (→ searched), "arrival" (→ arrived).
Active-voice, nominalization-free version (36 words): "At 3:15 a.m. the officer responded to a reported commercial burglary. The officer arrived and saw the front glass door shattered, with glass on the ground. The officer searched the interior and found no suspects."
Check:
- Active voice: "the officer responded / arrived / saw / searched / found" - all active. ✓
- No nominalizations: verbs are verbs (responded, arrived, saw, searched, found). ✓
- Under 40 words. ✓
- All significant facts retained. ✓
3. If the 40-word limit forced dropping one fact, which fact is the *least* legally significant to drop, and why?
Read the worked answer
Least significant to drop: "glass on the ground."
Reasoning:
- The shattered front door already establishes forced entry / damage - that is the core legal fact. "Glass on the ground" is corroborating detail that adds little beyond what "shattered door" implies.
- The time (3:15 a.m.) matters for timeline and alibi.
- "Reported commercial burglary" establishes the call and location type.
- "Searched interior, no suspects" establishes the outcome and that the scene was cleared.
Ranking of significance (most to least): outcome (no suspects) > forced entry (shattered door) > time > reported burglary > glass on ground.
So if one fact must go, drop the corroborating detail, never the outcome or the entry fact.