The Letter that Sounds Like a Text Message
Tom must write at least 150 words in German for his Writing portfolio. The task reads: 'Your German exchange partner's parents, Frau und Herr Vogel, hosted you for two weeks in March. Write them a letter thanking them, describing two things you enjoyed, and inviting them to visit New Zealand.'
Tom's draft is 96 words. It opens: 'Hallo Frau Vogel und Herr Vogel! Wie geht's? Mir geht's gut. Ich wollte dir sagen, dass es toll war. Ich habe viel gelernt...' He has copied the opening from his letter to his penfriend Lisa, and he closes with 'Bis bald, Tom'. His four content points are: (1) thanks for the food and the room, (2) the trip to the Christmas market, (3) the new football boots he bought, (4) an invitation to visit. His teacher has told him the marks come from fulfilling the purpose and audience, range of language, and accuracy - not from length by itself. Tom's accuracy is generally sound in the Perfekt.
1. Rewrite Tom's opening and closing, and explain every change you make.
Read the worked answer
Opening: 'Sehr geehrte Frau Vogel, sehr geehrter Herr Vogel,' - or, warmer and equally acceptable for hosts he knows, 'Liebe Frau Vogel, lieber Herr Vogel,'
Closing: 'Mit freundlichen Grüßen' (formal) or 'Herzliche Grüße' (warm but still correct) - then his name on the next line.
Why each change:
- 'Hallo' is a chat/text greeting. It is fine in an email to a friend, not in a letter to adults he is thanking. The safe pattern is 'Liebe/r' + surname, or 'Sehr geehrte/r' + surname. First names after 'Liebe' would only be right if the Vogels had offered du.
- The pronoun must switch to Sie throughout, not just in the greeting: 'Ich wollte Ihnen sagen', 'Wie geht es Ihnen?', 'Ihre Gastfreundschaft'. Mixing du and Sie is the single most damaging error here because it looks like carelessness about the reader.
- 'Wie geht's? Mir geht's gut.' is spoken-register contraction. Write 'Wie geht es Ihnen?' and drop the second sentence - it adds nothing and reads as filler.
- 'Bis bald' suits someone he sees weekly. It clashes with a letter that may cross the world. Rule: register is a package - greeting, pronouns, contractions and sign-off all have to agree with each other and with the reader.
2. Which of Tom's four content points should go, and how should he get from 96 to 150 words without padding?
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Cut point 3 (the football boots). The task specifies thanking, two things enjoyed, and an invitation. Boots he bought are about him, not about the Vogels, and they push the letter off purpose. Marks are awarded for communicating the task, so irrelevant content can actively cost.
Reasoning on length: the gap is 54 words, and there are two honest ways to close it - more grammar and more specific detail. Padding (repeating adjectives, listing foods) inflates the count while lowering the quality.
Expansion that earns marks:
- Point 1: 'Vielen Dank für Ihre Geduld mit meinem Deutsch und dafür, dass Sie mir jeden Abend etwas Neues gekocht haben - besonders der Kuchen am Sonntag war fantastisch.' (relative clause + specific detail)
- Point 2: 'Der Weihnachtsmarkt war für mich das Schönste, weil ich so etwas vorher nie gesehen hatte. Obwohl es sehr kalt war, sind wir drei Stunden geblieben.' (weil + pluperfect; obwohl + Perfekt)
- Point 4: 'Wenn Sie nächstes Jahr nach Neuseeland kommen, würde ich Ihnen gern meine Stadt zeigen. Sie könnten bei uns wohnen - allerdings ist es im Juli bei uns Winter.' (conditional + polite subjunctive + concession)
Principle: each added clause should carry new information and a new structure. That is how one sentence lifts both the communication mark and the range mark at once.
3. Identify two register errors and one written-accuracy issue in the draft, and state the correction for each.
Read the worked answer
1. Register error - 'Hallo Frau Vogel und Herr Vogel!' Correction: 'Liebe Frau Vogel, lieber Herr Vogel,' (or 'Sehr geehrte ...'). The error is not vocabulary but audience: a greeting borrowed from a friend-letter cannot be reused for adults being thanked.
2. Register error - 'Ich wollte dir sagen' Correction: 'Ich wollte Ihnen sagen'. Note the verb stays in the same place; only the pronoun changes. This is why copying a whole paragraph from the Lisa letter is risky: the structure survives but the pronouns silently do not.
3. Written accuracy - 'Wie geht's? Mir geht's gut.' Correction: 'Wie geht es Ihnen?' The contraction is spoken German. In a written letter the full form is expected, and the second sentence should simply be deleted as filler.
What stays: 'Ich habe viel gelernt' is correct Perfekt and worth keeping - but it should be made specific: 'Ich habe in den zwei Wochen viel über das deutsche Familienleben gelernt.'
Exam judgement: a candidate who fixes only the greeting leaves the du-forms scattered through the body and still loses register marks. Go through the text once looking only at pronouns and verb forms, then again for content - mixing the two passes is how the third 'dir' survives.