Formal email about a host family: 'ich will' versus 'ich bitte'
You are writing a 180-word formal email in German to Frau Schmidt at the exchange organisation 'InterKultur'. You have been matched with a host family in Bremen, but you have just learned that the family has two cats and you are allergic. You arrive in 14 days. You must explain the problem, request a different family, and thank Frau Schmidt. Your draft begins: 'Hallo Frau Schmidt, ich will eine neue Familie. Ich habe eine Allergie gegen Katzen. Die Familie hat zwei Katzen. Bitte ändern Sie das. Tschüss.' Your teacher comments: 'Register, structure and tone need work. You have not explained why you only found out now, and the request sounds like a complaint.' You have 45 minutes and a dictionary; the task requires a formal opening and closing. You must not use 'du'.
1. Rewrite the opening salutation and first two sentences to meet the formal register.
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A revised opening could be: 'Sehr geehrte Frau Schmidt, leider muss ich Sie um einen Wechsel der Gastfamilie bitten. Wie ich erst jetzt erfahren habe, leben in der Familie zwei Katzen, gegen die ich allergisch bin.' 'Sehr geehrte' plus surname is the standard formal salutation; 'Hallo' is too informal for an organisation. 'Ich will' is blunt; 'ich muss Sie um ... bitten' is polite and frames the message as a request. 'Leider' signals regret. 'Wie ich erst jetzt erfahren habe' explains the late timing without blaming Frau Schmidt. 'Gegen die ich allergisch bin' is a relative clause that specifies the allergy and integrates the information. 'Ich habe eine Allergie gegen Katzen' is correct but less integrated. Do not write 'Liebe Frau Schmidt' unless you know her personally.
2. How should you phrase the request for a different family so that it does not sound like a complaint?
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Use a modal, 'bitte', and a reason, and avoid imperatives. Example: 'Da meine Allergie ärztlich bestätigt ist, wäre ich Ihnen sehr dankbar, wenn Sie mir eine alternative Gastfamilie ohne Katzen vermitteln könnten.' 'Wäre ich Ihnen dankbar' and 'vermitteln könnten' use Konjunktiv II to soften the request; 'alternative' shows flexibility rather than rejection of the family. Avoid 'Sie müssen' or 'Bitte ändern Sie das', which sound like orders. Mention the 14-day deadline factually: 'Da ich bereits in 14 Tagen ankomme, wäre eine schnelle Lösung hilfreich.' The deadline explains urgency without accusing anyone. A strong answer also acknowledges the organisation's effort before making the request.
3. What should the closing contain, and why is 'Tschüss' unsuitable?
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Close with 'Mit freundlichen Grüßen' (or 'Freundliche Grüße') and your full name. 'Tschüss' is spoken and informal; it signals a personal relationship and clashes with 'Sehr geehrte'. A strong closing also points to the next step: 'Ich danke Ihnen im Voraus für Ihre Hilfe und freue mich auf Ihre Antwort.' This maintains formality and leaves the action with Frau Schmidt without demanding. 'Mit freundlichen Grüßen' is standard and safe. 'Hochachtungsvoll' is now archaic or over-formal for this context. The closing should not introduce new information or a second request. Consistency matters: if you opened with 'Sehr geehrte', you cannot close with 'Tschüss'.