208 words, one content point missing: the short transactional task
The shorter writing task tells Marco to write 120-150 words to the accommodation officer at a language school. Three content points are required: confirm his arrival date (Sunday 7 July, flight landing at 21:40), ask whether the airport transfer is included in the £95 transfer fee he was quoted, and explain that he needs a room away from the street because he is a light sleeper. He produces 208 words. It opens: 'Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inform you that I am a 24-year-old student from Naples who has always dreamed of studying in England...' He confirms the arrival date and asks about the transfer clearly, then spends two sentences praising the school's reputation. The third point is missing. He uses 'I would be grateful if you could inform me...' correctly and signs off 'Yours faithfully'. He has two minutes left.
1. Rank his three problems and justify the ranking.
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1. A missing content point. The brief specifies three things; he delivers two. This directly limits task achievement, which is judged before range and accuracy. A room request omitted from the email cannot be inferred by the reader, and no amount of good grammar repairs it.
2. Over-length by roughly 60 words. Not fatal - the limit is usually guidance rather than a hard cut-off - but it costs time and dilutes the message. The 60 surplus words are exactly the biography and the praise, which carry no information the officer needs.
3. The formulaic opening. 'I have always dreamed of studying in England' is filler that could preface any letter to any school. It signals a rehearsed frame rather than purposeful communication.
The order matters because it dictates the fix: with two minutes left, only problem 1 is worth addressing.
2. What should he change in register, and what should he keep?
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Keep: 'I would be grateful if you could confirm whether...' - a polite indirect request is exactly right for a semi-formal message to an institution. Also keep the clear statement of the arrival details; factual precision is what this task rewards.
Cut: the biography, the flattery about reputation, and any idiom or rhetorical flourish. They read as an essay pasted into an email.
Adjust: 'Yours faithfully' is correct only with 'Dear Sir or Madam'. If he has a name - and an accommodation officer usually has one - he should switch to 'Dear Ms Okonkwo' and 'Yours sincerely'. Contractions ('I'm', 'it isn't') are acceptable in this register; 'kindly do the needful' and similar archaic formulae are not.
Add: one sentence of plain explanation for the room request, with the reason attached - 'because I am a light sleeper' - since the brief asks him to explain, not merely to request.
3. Draft the two-minute repair and state the word budget he should have used.
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The repair is one sentence inserted before the sign-off: 'Finally, I would be grateful if I could be allocated a room away from the street, as I am a light sleeper and traffic at night makes it difficult for me to rest.' That covers the third point, keeps the register, and costs about 30 seconds.
He should then check one thing only: is the transfer question answerable with a yes or no? 'I would be grateful if you could confirm whether the airport transfer is included in the £95 fee quoted' passes. 'I would like to know about the transfer' would not.
A workable budget for 120-150 words is roughly: 15 words of opening (purpose stated immediately), 25-30 words per content point, 10 words of close. Three points at 30 words is 90, plus 25 for framing, gives about 115-125 - comfortably inside the limit, with room for courtesy and nothing for autobiography.