The Scholarship Essay Revision
A student drafts this sentence for a scholarship essay:
"Having studied for months, the exam was finally taken by me, and despite of the difficulty, I performed good, which surprised my teacher who had predicted that I would do badly."
The essay guidelines require: (1) no dangling modifiers, (2) correct use of prepositions, (3) adjectives vs. adverbs used correctly, (4) clear pronoun reference, and (5) a formal register. The student wants to keep the meaning - effort, difficulty, a good result, and the teacher's surprise - but cannot tell which errors are grammatical and which are merely stylistic.
1. Identify each guideline violation in the sentence and explain the grammatical reason, distinguishing grammar errors from style preferences.
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(1) Dangling modifier: 'Having studied for months' describes the person who studied, but the subject of the main clause is 'the exam'. An exam cannot study. Fix: 'Having studied for months, I finally took the exam.'
(2) Preposition: 'despite of' is nonstandard; 'despite' takes no 'of' (unlike 'in spite of'). Fix: 'despite the difficulty'.
(3) Adjective/adverb: 'performed good' - 'good' is an adjective modifying a noun; the verb 'performed' needs the adverb 'well'. Fix: 'performed well'.
(4) Pronoun/relative reference: 'which surprised my teacher' - 'which' refers to the whole preceding result, which is acceptable, but 'who had predicted' correctly refers to the teacher. This part is largely fine; the ambiguity is minor and stylistic, not a violation.
(5) Register: 'do badly' and the passive 'was taken by me' are informal/wordy. Passive voice is grammatical, so this is style, not error. Formality favors active voice.
2. Rewrite the sentence to satisfy all five guidelines while preserving the original meaning. Justify each change briefly.
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Model rewrite: 'Having studied for months, I finally took the exam and, despite its difficulty, performed well - a result that surprised my teacher, who had predicted I would do poorly.'
Justifications: 'I' becomes the subject so the opening participle attaches correctly (fixes the dangling modifier). 'Despite its difficulty' removes the nonstandard 'of'. 'Performed well' uses the adverb. 'Who had predicted' keeps the relative pronoun clearly attached to 'teacher'. 'Performed well' and 'do poorly' replace the informal 'good'/'badly' phrasing for a formal register. The dash keeps the teacher's surprise as the closing emphasis, preserving the original contrast between low expectation and good result.