Plain-Language Newsletter Article About an Advising Hold
A student writer is drafting a 350-word explanatory article for a first-year newsletter about a new advising rule. The official memo says: Students with fewer than 30 completed credits must meet with an advisor before registering for their third semester; the hold is automatic. The writer's draft begins: Pursuant to the revised academic progress protocol, matriculants who have not attained sophomore classification must engage in a mandatory advising consultation prior to enrollment. The editor wants plain language, a helpful headline, and a short what-to-do-now box. The writer also has a quote from a friend saying the rule is probably optional. A current advisor confirms the hold is automatic. The draft must fit 350 words, including headline and box, and cannot use footnotes.
1. Choose the most appropriate lead sentence for the audience and explain why.
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The best lead is: 'If you have completed fewer than 30 credits, you must meet with an advisor before registering for your third semester-or an automatic hold will block registration.' It names the condition, the required action, and the consequence in plain order. The original's 'pursuant to,' 'matriculants,' and 'prior to enrollment' force first-year students to translate jargon before they can act. The revised sentence keeps all material facts from the memo: fewer than 30 credits, third semester, advisor meeting, automatic hold. It also fits the editor's request for a what-to-do-now focus, because the next box can list scheduling steps. A headline such as 'Advising hold: what you need to do before semester three' can sit above it. No footnote is needed because the official memo is the basis and the advisor confirmed the hold.
2. How should the writer handle the friend's quote?
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Do not present the friend's quote as evidence. The advisor confirms the hold is automatic, so the quote is inaccurate; repeating it could lead students to miss the requirement. If the writer wants to address a common misconception, the quote must be framed and corrected immediately: 'One student thought the meeting was optional, but advisors confirm that the hold is automatic.' That costs words and may still confuse first-year readers. Given the 350-word limit and the purpose-accurate action guidance-the stronger choice is to omit the quote and use the space for the what-to-do-now box. If a student voice is needed, a corrected quote from a student who actually used advising would serve the audience better and not undercut the memo.
3. Revise the opening sentence into plain language and identify two specific changes.
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Revision: 'If you have fewer than 30 completed credits, you must meet with an advisor before you register for your third semester. If you do not, an automatic hold will block your registration.' The two changes are: replace formal jargon and Latin-derived terms-'pursuant to,' 'matriculants,' 'attained sophomore classification,' 'prior to enrollment'-with ordinary words; and split the long noun-heavy sentence into two shorter sentences that separate condition from consequence. A second option keeps one sentence with a dash, but the two-sentence version is easier for a first-year reader scanning a newsletter. The revision also makes the action explicit: meet with an advisor. It preserves the memo's facts and does not add a requirement that the source does not support.