Revising for a Split Audience
A clinic manager must send one email announcing a new check-in procedure. The recipients include front-desk staff (who perform the check-in and need step-by-step instructions), clinicians (who need to know only what changes for them and when it starts), and patients on the mailing list (who need a short, friendly heads-up). A colleague drafts a single 600-word email with the full procedure, internal jargon like "EMR workflow flag," and a start date buried in paragraph five. The manager has one hour before it must go out and cannot send three separate emails in that time.
1. Identify the main audience problem with the single draft and propose a structure that serves all three groups within the one-hour limit.
Read the worked answer
Problem: The draft is written for the front desk but sent to everyone. Clinicians and patients must wade through step-by-step detail they do not need, and the single most important fact for all groups - the start date - is buried. Internal jargon excludes patients entirely.
Structure that fits one hour: Keep one email but reorganize by audience with clear headers:
- Top line: the start date, in the first sentence, for everyone.
- "For patients": 2–3 friendly sentences on what to expect.
- "For clinicians": what changes for you and when.
- "For front desk": the step-by-step procedure, with jargon either defined or removed.
This is faster than three emails and lets each reader stop after their section. The judgment: a shared document can still be audience-segmented, and the universal fact (the date) belongs up front.
2. The manager has 60 minutes. List the edits in priority order and justify the ordering.
Read the worked answer
Priority order:
- Move the start date to the first sentence (highest impact, seconds to do - every reader needs it).
- Add audience headers and reorder sections (fixes the core problem; moderate effort).
- Replace or define jargon like "EMR workflow flag" (protects the patient audience; quick find-and-fix).
- Trim the patient section to a few sentences (polish).
Justification: Order by harm avoided per minute spent. A buried date causes everyone to miss the change; jargon confuses patients; length is annoying but least damaging. Items 1–3 are achievable well within the hour; item 4 is optional if time runs short. The judgment is triaging edits by consequence, not by how easy or satisfying they are.