Six Paragraphs, No Map
A 900-word draft argues that community college tuition should be free. It has six paragraphs. Paragraph 1 introduces the topic and ends with a thesis. Paragraph 2 presents tuition statistics. Paragraph 3 tells the story of the writer's cousin, who worked two jobs while taking classes. Paragraph 4 is 300 words long: it begins with the counterargument that free tuition may devalue degrees, shifts into a rebuttal, and then adds a new point about job-training programs. Paragraph 5 lists economic benefits for the local workforce but has no topic sentence. Paragraph 6 restates the thesis. The only transitions are 'Also' between paragraphs 2 and 3 and 'In conclusion' before the final paragraph. The writer has a 1,000-word limit and wants to improve organization without adding new research.
1. Label the function of each paragraph and propose a revised outline that improves the essay's organization without adding new research.
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Current functions: P1 is the introduction and thesis; P2 presents problem evidence about cost; P3 is an anecdote without a stated claim; P4 mixes a counterargument, a rebuttal, and a new job-training point; P5 lists economic benefits but has no controlling sentence; P6 is the conclusion.
Revised outline:
- P1: Introduction with a precise thesis about access and cost.
- P2: The cost problem, using the tuition statistics.
- P3: Academic and access benefits, with the cousin story as an illustration under a topic sentence.
- P4: Economic and workforce benefits, including the job-training point.
- P5: Counterargument and rebuttal, kept separate from new supporting points.
- P6: Conclusion that restates the thesis and the strongest benefit.
This sequence moves from problem to individual benefit to community benefit to objection and response. Each paragraph has a single job, which makes the essay easier for a reader to follow.
2. Decide whether paragraph 3, the cousin story, should be kept, cut, or moved. Justify your decision in terms of unity and support.
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Keep it, but move and reframe it. The cousin story is potentially strong pathos evidence, but as a standalone paragraph it lacks a stated claim. The writer should place it under the access or benefit section and preface it with a topic sentence such as 'Free tuition would help students who must work near full-time just to afford classes.' The story then illustrates that claim rather than replacing it. Cutting it would lose a vivid human example; keeping it as is would leave a unity gap. If the 1,000-word limit becomes tight, shorten the story to two or three sentences, but do not let it float without a claim.
3. Evaluate whether splitting paragraph 4 is enough to fix its problem, or whether the writer needs to do something else as well.
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Splitting paragraph 4 is necessary but not sufficient. The paragraph has two problems: structural overload and a missing transition between the counterargument and the rebuttal. Splitting it into a counterargument paragraph and a rebuttal paragraph would help, but the writer must also signal the relationship: 'This objection has some force, but it overlooks...' The new job-training point should be removed from the counterargument section and either developed in the economic-benefits paragraph or cut. Finally, the writer should add a topic sentence to paragraph 5 so the reader knows its function before the list of benefits. Organization improves when paragraph boundaries match shifts in purpose, not just length.