Interpersonal Communication: Register, Aizuchi and Repair
What you must understand
Interpersonal communication in Japanese is assessed through your ability to sustain an exchange, not just produce correct sentences. The core concepts are register (keigo), turn-taking cues, aizuchi (back-channelling), and repair strategies when meaning breaks down.
Know the three poles of politeness: teineigo (です・ます), sonkeigo (respectful, elevating the other person: いらっしゃる、おっしゃる、召し上がる), and kenjōgo (humble, lowering yourself: 伺う、申す、いただく). Humble forms describe your actions; respectful forms describe theirs. A very common trap is using a humble form for the listener (×先生が申しました → ○先生がおっしゃいました).
Traps to watch
- Uchi/soto confusion: when speaking to an outsider, refer to your own teacher or colleague with humble or plain forms, not respectful ones.
- Aizuchi vs agreement: そうですね、たしかに、なるほど signal listening, not necessarily consent. Questions ask what the speaker's stance is.
- Indirect refusals: ちょっと…、考えておきます、検討させていただきます usually mean no. Do not read them as acceptance.
- Invitation vs offer: 〜ませんか invites; 〜ましょう offers a joint action you have already decided.
Rule of thumb
Match the verb form to who performs the action and who receives the benefit. Ask: is the subject me, them, or a third party? Then choose humble, respectful, or neutral.
Worked example: You must tell a client that your manager will call them tomorrow. Manager's action = respectful: 部長が明日お電話いたします - but いたします is humble, so it is wrong for the manager's action toward a client. Correct: 部長が明日お電話を差し上げます is also flawed; the natural keigo is 部長が明日お電話いたします only when the manager is your in-group member speaking to an outsider. To the client directly about your own manager, humble forms are correct because the manager is uchi. The decisive test is the uchi/soto boundary, not the person's rank.