Cohesion and tense control in a personal narrative
You are writing a 120-word narrative in Spanish for a portfolio, titled 'El día que me perdí en Sevilla'. Your draft mixes tenses: 'Ayer me pierdo en el centro. No tenía el móvil. De repente veo una plaza que no conozco y me pongo nervioso. Al final, un señor me ayuda y encuentro el hotel.' Your teacher's feedback says the narrative lacks a clear temporal frame and that the alternation between present and past is inconsistent, though one shift may be defensible. You have 120 words and must include a turning point and a reflective closing sentence.
1. Diagnose the tense problem in the draft and propose a consistent tense plan, explaining whether any present-tense use can be justified.
Read the worked answer
The draft alternates between present ('me pierdo', 'veo', 'me pongo') and imperfect past ('tenía'). For a finished personal anecdote, the natural frame is past: preterite for completed events ('me perdí', 'vi', 'me puse nervioso', 'encontré') and imperfect for background and states ('no tenía el móvil', 'no conocía la plaza'). The present could be justified only as a deliberate 'historic present' to create immediacy, but then it must be sustained consistently, which this draft does not do. Mixing forms randomly reads as error, not style. A workable plan: open with a time marker ('Ayer, sobre las seis...'), use imperfect for setting and feelings, preterite for the sequence of events, and a reflective closing that can shift to present perfect or present to link past to now ('Desde entonces, siempre llevo el móvil'). The assessor rewards control and awareness of why a tense is chosen, not just correctness.
2. Explain how you would add a turning point and a reflective closing within the 120-word limit without losing the sequence of events.
Read the worked answer
A turning point needs a clear marker and a change of direction: 'Justo cuando empezaba a oscurecer, se acercó un señor mayor' - the 'justo cuando' signals the pivot, and the preterite 'se acercó' marks the new event. To keep the sequence, compress earlier events into one or two clauses rather than listing every step: 'Me perdí, no tenía móvil y no reconocía ninguna calle.' This frees words for the turning point and the reflection. The closing should generalise from the experience, not restate it: 'Aprendí que pedir ayuda no es perder el rumbo, sino encontrarlo.' This uses a contrast structure (no es X, sino Y) that sounds reflective and is lexically economical. Budget roughly 70 words for events, 25 for the turning point, 25 for reflection. The tested skill is managing cohesion and word economy while meeting structural requirements.