The Word Limit and the Missing Argument
You are writing a 250–300 word persuasive text in Indonesian for the Writing task. The prompt asks you to argue whether Indonesian secondary schools should ban mobile phones during class hours. You have drafted 340 words. Your draft contains: a strong opening paragraph stating your position (phones should be banned during lessons but allowed at break), three body paragraphs with statistics and examples, and a conclusion that repeats your opening. Your teacher's feedback on a previous task said your writing was 'descriptive rather than persuasive' and that you 'state a position but do not rebut the opposing view'. You have 20 minutes left in the lesson to revise.
1. Your draft is 40–90 words over the limit and lacks rebuttal. Explain how you would cut and restructure it in 20 minutes, and justify what you keep and what you remove.
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The fastest reliable fix is to cut first, then add the missing rebuttal with the space you have freed. Cutting is easier than writing under time pressure, so start there.
Where to cut: the conclusion that repeats the opening is the weakest material. Replace it with one short sentence that restates the position in new words and adds the recommendation. That alone can save 30–40 words. Next, check the three body paragraphs for overlap: if two of them both give statistics about distraction, merge them into one paragraph with the strongest statistic and one concrete example. Keep the personal or school-based example because it carries persuasive weight that a bare statistic does not. Trim hedging phrases and redundant connectives (for example, longwinded openings like 'Pada era globalisasi saat ini' can usually be reduced to a few words).
What to keep: the clear position in the opening, at least one statistic, at least one concrete example, and the recommendation. These are the load-bearing parts of a persuasive text.
Adding the rebuttal: the teacher's note is the key signal. A persuasive text that only lists supporting points is descriptive. Use about 25–35 words to acknowledge the opposing view and answer it, for example: 'Sebagian orang berpendapat bahwa ponsel membantu pembelajaran melalui aplikasi edukasi. Namun, tanpa pengawasan guru, manfaat ini sulit dipastikan.' This concedes a point, then limits it - the classic rebuttal move. Place it as the second-to-last body paragraph so the argument builds toward your recommendation.
After revising, count words precisely. Aim for 270–285, not 300, to leave a margin for counting differences. Read the final version once for coherence: does each paragraph still connect to the position? If a sentence no longer serves the argument, cut it rather than keep it for length.
2. Rewrite your opening paragraph so it is persuasive rather than descriptive, and explain the language choices that make it persuasive.
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A descriptive opening reports on the topic: 'Ponsel adalah alat komunikasi yang penting bagi remaja. Banyak sekolah memiliki peraturan tentang ponsel.' It tells the reader what the issue is but takes no side and creates no tension.
A persuasive opening should do three things in two or three sentences: state a clear position, signal the stakes, and preview the reasoning. A model version:
'Ponsel seharusnya dilarang selama jam pelajaran, meskipun tetap diizinkan pada waktu istirahat. Larangan ini bukan berarti menolak teknologi, melainkan melindungi konsentrasi siswa pada saat yang paling menentukan, yaitu ketika guru sedang menjelaskan materi. Tanpa aturan yang jelas, gangguan kecil dari notifikasi dapat merusak proses belajar seluruh kelas.'
Why this works: the first sentence states a nuanced position immediately - a ban during lessons, permission at break - so the reader knows exactly what is being argued. The phrase 'bukan berarti menolak teknologi, melainkan...' pre-empts the most obvious objection, showing the writer has considered the other side. The word 'melindungi' (protect) frames the ban as a benefit rather than a restriction, which is a persuasive framing choice. The final sentence gives a concrete consequence (notifications disrupting the whole class) that makes the stakes tangible.
Language features to notice: modal and evaluative vocabulary ('seharusnya', 'paling menentukan'), contrastive structure ('bukan... melainkan...'), and a causal link ('Tanpa aturan yang jelas... dapat merusak...'). These are the features that distinguish persuasion from description. Avoid opening with empty framing such as 'Pada era globalisasi saat ini' - it delays the position and wastes words you need for evidence and rebuttal.