Editing a Persuasive Letter About Homework
A student drafts a short persuasive letter to the principal. The draft reads: "Dear Principal, i think homework should be banned. Students are tired and they dont have time to play. Also, homework is boring and it makes kids hate school. If you ban homework, students will be happy and they will learn more. Sincerely, Sam." The teacher comments that the letter has spelling and punctuation errors, and that two sentences make claims that are too strong to be believable. The class has been learning about apostrophes for contraction and possession, and about using evidence rather than opinion alone. Sam must keep the letter under 80 words when revised.
1. Identify the spelling and punctuation errors in the draft and write the corrected sentences.
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Errors:
- "i" should be capitalised as "I".
- "dont" needs an apostrophe: "don't".
- "Dear Principal," is fine, but the closing "Sincerely, Sam" should sit on its own lines with a comma after "Sincerely".
- The sentence "Students are tired and they dont have time to play" is a run-on joined only by "and"; it reads better as two clauses joined with a comma and conjunction, or split.
Corrected: "Dear Principal, I think homework should be banned. Students are tired, and they don't have time to play. Also, homework is boring and it makes kids hate school. If you ban homework, students will be happy and they will learn more. Sincerely, Sam."
The key convention tested is the apostrophe of contraction in "don't" (do not) and the capital "I".
2. Which two sentences make claims that are too strong, and how would you rewrite them to be more believable?
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The overstrong claims are "homework is boring and it makes kids hate school" and "students will be happy and they will learn more". Both use absolute words ("makes kids hate", "will learn more") that cannot be true for every student.
Rewrites:
- "Many students find homework boring, and some say it makes them dislike school."
- "If homework were reduced, students might feel less tired and could have more time to learn at their own pace."
The judgement is about hedging: replacing "all/every/will" with "many/some/might/could" makes a claim defensible. Notice that the rewrite also adds a reason, which the teacher asked for.
3. Revise the whole letter to meet the word limit and the teacher's comments, then state the word count.
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Revised letter:
"Dear Principal, I believe homework should be reduced, not banned. Many students are tired after school, and some don't have time to play or rest. Research on sleep suggests rest helps learning. If homework were shorter, students might feel less stressed and could focus better in class. Please consider a trial with less homework. Sincerely, Sam"
Word count: Dear(1) Principal(2) I(3) believe(4) homework(5) should(6) be(7) reduced(8) not(9) banned(10) Many(11) students(12) are(13) tired(14) after(15) school(16) and(17) some(18) don't(19) have(20) time(21) to(22) play(23) or(24) rest(25) Research(26) on(27) sleep(28) suggests(29) rest(30) helps(31) learning(32) If(33) homework(34) were(35) shorter(36) students(37) might(38) feel(39) less(40) stressed(41) and(42) could(43) focus(44) better(45) in(46) class(47) Please(48) consider(49) a(50) trial(51) with(52) less(53) homework(54) Sincerely(55) Sam(56). That is 56 words, under the 80-word limit. The revision fixes the apostrophe, capitalises "I", removes absolute claims, and keeps a polite, evidence-based tone.