Mobile phone article for the school magazine
A student is asked to write a 250-word article for the school magazine on whether mobile phones should be banned during lessons. The editor says the audience is learners and teachers. The student collects three comments. A teacher says: 'Phones are a major distraction; I confiscate two or three every lesson.' A parent says: 'I want my child to phone me immediately after school for safety.' A learner says: 'I use my phone to check definitions and watch revision videos.' The student's first draft begins: 'Phones are totally destroying education and must be banned forever.' The editor rejects the draft as one-sided and unsuitable for the audience.
1. Identify the purpose, audience and appropriate register for the article, and explain how each should shape the language.
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Purpose: to inform and persuade readers to consider a balanced school phone policy, not to win an angry argument.
Audience: learners and teachers, so the article must respect both groups and avoid blaming one side.
Register: semi-formal, clear and respectful. The writer should avoid slang, insults and absolute words such as 'totally' and 'forever'.
Because teachers will read it, the article should acknowledge classroom disruption and suggest practical rules. Because learners will read it, it should recognise useful learning uses and after-school safety. A balanced structure could be: state the issue, give both sides, then recommend a policy such as phones off during lessons but allowed after school.
2. Rewrite the opening sentence so it is more suitable. Explain two changes you made.
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Rewritten opening: 'Mobile phones can support learning, but they can also distract, so our school needs clear rules rather than a total ban.'
Two changes:
- I removed the absolute phrase 'totally destroying education', which is an overstatement and sounds emotional. The word 'can' shows possibility rather than certainty.
- I added the other side ('can support learning') and a practical solution ('clear rules'), which suits an audience of both learners and teachers. The sentence now invites discussion instead of attacking readers who use phones.
3. The student wants to include all three comments. Explain how to use them fairly and identify one bias or gap.
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Use each comment for the point it actually supports. The teacher’s comment is evidence of distraction during lessons, so it supports rules during class. The parent’s comment is about safety after school, so it supports allowing phones outside lesson time. The learner’s comment is about revision and definitions, so it supports supervised learning use. The article should not use the parent’s safety point to defend phone use during lessons, because that would mix two different times and purposes.
One bias is that all three comments are personal opinions from people with strong views. There is no survey data, no school policy, and no evidence about how often phones actually disrupt learning. A gap is the missing view of learners who misuse phones. The student could do a quick anonymous survey of 30 learners and report the results.