A 168-Word Letter That Must Become 140
A learner must write a 120–150 word letter in Setswana to the school head teacher asking for a broken tap in the school yard to be repaired. Her draft has five sentences totalling 168 words: (1) 'Dumela Mogokgo, ke kwala go go bolelela ka metsi a a rothang kwa sekolong.' (2) 'Hei, metsi a a rotha fela jaaka pula, mme ga go ope yo o a batlang!' (3) 'Rona bana ba phaposi ya borataro re tlhoka metsi a a phepa.' (4) 'Metsi a a rothang a dirile gore lebala la go tshameka le nne seretse.' (5) 'Ka jalo, ke kopa gore o e lokise ka bonako. Wa gago, Neo.' The head teacher dislikes slang and long background stories; the mark scheme rewards a clear request, one reason and a polite close.
1. Which sentence must be rewritten for register, and what exactly is wrong with it?
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Sentence (2), 'Hei, metsi a a rotha fela jaaka pula, mme ga go ope yo o a batlang!' It opens with Hei, an informal call used with peers, not with a head teacher. It exaggerates with fela jaaka pula ('just like rain'), and the exclamation plus the conversational clause ga go ope yo o a batlang belong to a spoken complaint, not a written request.
A formal rewrite keeps the fact and drops the performance: 'Metsi a a rothang a senya lebala la sekolo.' The register problem is not that the sentence is untrue; it is that it addresses the head teacher as if she were a classmate.
2. The draft is 168 words and the limit is 120–150. Which material should be cut or merged, and which sentences must survive?
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The request (1), one reason (3 or 4, not both) and the close (5) must survive. Sentences (3) and (4) overlap: both say the water is a problem.
Merge them into one developed reason: 'Rona bana ba phaposi ya borataro re tlhoka metsi a a phepa, mme metsi a a rothang a senya lebala la go tshameka.' Then reduce or delete (2), and the total falls under 150 without losing the request.
A useful rule for short formal letters: one reason developed is stronger than two reasons repeated. The mark scheme rewards a clear request and a polite close, not a long story.
3. The learner wants to add 'Ke a go leboga' and 'Wa gago, Neo'. Where do they go, and is the closing appropriate?
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'Ke a go leboga' ('thank you') goes immediately before the closing, after the request. Thanks follow the request because the letter's purpose is to ask; putting them first would make the letter sound like a thank-you note with an afterthought.
'Wa gago' ('yours') is an acceptable learner's closing to a head teacher in Setswana school letters and is not slang. It should be followed by the name on a new line.
The register is polite without being ornate, which fits the mark scheme's preference for a clear request, one reason and a polite close.