The Captain's Report: Facts, Tone and Recommendation
At a fictional secondary school, the Form 4 captain is asked by the principal to write a report about a broken water fountain outside the science block. The fountain has been out of order for nine school days. On three occasions the captain told the maintenance office; each time she was told the matter would be 'looked into'. Students have been buying bottled water from the canteen, and the canteen has raised the price from $2 to $3. On Tuesday a Form 1 student slipped on water that had leaked from the broken fountain and bruised her wrist; the school nurse recorded the incident. The captain's draft opens: 'OMG the water situation is a total disaster and someone in maintenance is clearly lazy. Everyone is furious.' She also recommends that the school 'must fix it right now or face the consequences'. The principal asks for a report that is factual, calm and useful, with a clear recommendation.
1. Identify two weaknesses in the draft opening and explain how each weakness affects the report for the principal.
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Weakness 1: register. 'OMG' and 'total disaster' belong to casual speech, not a formal report. The principal needs a document that can be circulated or filed, so slang makes the captain seem unserious and the report harder to use as evidence.
Weakness 2: unsupported accusation. 'Someone in maintenance is clearly lazy' states a motive, not a fact. The captain knows only that she made three requests and was told the matter would be 'looked into'. Calling staff lazy invites dispute, risks unfairness, and distracts from the verifiable facts: nine days out of order, three reports, price rise, and an injury recorded by the nurse.
Reasoning: a report is judged by whether its audience can trust and act on it. Emotive language and speculation weaken credibility even when the writer's frustration is justified. The captain should replace judgements with observable details and let the facts carry the complaint.
2. Rewrite the opening two sentences as the introduction to a formal report, keeping only verifiable facts.
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This report describes the water fountain outside the science block, which has been out of order for nine school days. It records three requests to the maintenance office, the effect on students and canteen prices, and an injury on Tuesday that was recorded by the school nurse.
Why this works: the rewrite names the subject, the duration and the evidence. It removes 'OMG', 'disaster' and 'lazy'. It does not claim that the maintenance office ignored the requests; it states only that three requests were made. It mentions the injury because it is documented, not because it is dramatic. The opening also previews the report's contents, which helps the principal see immediately what the document covers.
3. The captain wants to recommend that the fountain be repaired before the end of the week. Write one recommendation sentence and explain why it is appropriate for the audience.
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It is recommended that the fountain be repaired before the end of the week and that the maintenance office provide a written timeline for the work.
Why this is appropriate: the sentence is formal and impersonal ('It is recommended'), which suits a report to a principal. It is specific: 'before the end of the week' gives a clear deadline, and the written timeline makes the request followable. It does not say 'must fix it right now or face the consequences', which threatens the reader and gives no practical next step. The recommendation also follows logically from the evidence - nine days out of order, three reports, a price rise and an injury - so the principal can see why the deadline is reasonable rather than arbitrary.